What about the thin people?

In a previous post a long time ago, I remember pondering over the theory that shorter people, having less distance to the floor, falls down less because of more equilibrium and if they do fall, since their distance to the ground is not that much, that maybe the act of falling may not be as painful as with someone who is tall. hmmm...

Anyways, I was wondering recently about thin people! Do thinner people, or folks with a small body mass 'small things', feel less pain? Imagine 2 people standing side by side, one of which is twice as large as the first. Does the bigger person have more pain sensors and nerves on her body merely because of a greater area/mass? Does the small thin person have less nerves and pain sensors than the larger person? Do they feel less pain?

If a tiny thin person was to feel pain from head to toe, and we somehow transferred that pain, it its identical shape and size, to a larger person... does the pain fit 'within' the larger person, and thus the latter is not in pain from 'head to toe'? If a larger person was in pain from ‘head to toe’, would they feel more pain just because there is more of 'them' to hurt?

In 3 hours

I slept a drunk man's sleep
Out cold

I dreamt a mad man's dream
Surreal

I woke up. Glad that I was awake. No more dreams.
Yet, reality altered
Can a dream do that?
Can it?

The birds are chirping at midnight

Hi

It's been a long time since I've posted anything huh... This year I've been out of touch not just with the people who know me but also my blog.

Things have been great overall. Ups and downs - yes, but it's ok. I'm happy.

Have I found a substitute for a blog recently? Maybe I have... together with being pretty busy with school and upcoming exams, though I would admit that the latter really is an excuse from justification. I think I've found a substitute... but a part of me always pulls me back. Right here. On this blog. So... here I am.

How has the year been for everyone so far? Can you think of something happening to you now that you would not have even dreamed about just 3 months ago? If you can, then think of it as yet another sign that life is amazing!

What do we want? I always feel clashed sometimes when I'm asked to make 1 wish. Just 1 wish. Is it the thought that there's only one, or that there's only one for now. It's a time thing I think. Maybe we want to much, too soon, at the same time.

Well... it's after midnight. I'm tired. Take care :)

PS: As for my entry title, it is true. Strange...but true.

Thanks Mr. Shakespeare

I found this and fell in love! :) Please, take a read - I find it so interesting finding these origins

Here is a whole list of clichés, along with where they originated curtesy Mr. Shakespeare!

A fool's paradise—Romeo and Juliet

A foregone conclusion—Othello

A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! —Richard III

A little pot and soon hot—The Taming of the Shrew

A tower of strength—Richard III

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him—Hamlet

All the world's a stage—As You Like It

An eye-sore—The Taming of the Shrew

As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods—King Lear

As white as driven snow—The Winter's Tale

Ay, there’s the rub—Hamlet

Bag and baggage—As You Like It

Bated breath—The Merchant of Venice

Beware the Ides of March—Julius Caesar

Blow, blow, thou winter wind—As You Like It

Breathe one’s last—Henry VI, part 3

Brevity is the soul of wit—Hamlet

Budge an inch—The Taming of the Shrew

Cold comfort—King John

Come full circle—King Lear

Come what may—Macbeth

Conscience does make cowards of us all—Hamlet

Cowards die many times before their deaths—Julius Caesar

Crack of doom—Macbeth

Dead as a doornail—Henry VI, part 2

Death by inches—Coriolanus

Devil incarnate—Henry V

Dish fit for the gods—Julius Caesar

Dog will have its day—Hamlet

Done to death—Much Ado About Nothing

Double, double, toil and trouble; fire burn, and cauldron bubble—Macbeth

Eaten me out of house and home—Henry IV, part 2

Elbow room— King John

Et tu, Brute! –Julius Caesar

Every inch a king—King Lear

Fair is foul, and foul is fair—Macbeth

Fatal vision—Macbeth

Flaming youth—Hamlet

For goodness sake—Henry VIII

Foregone conclusion—Othello

Frailty, thy name is woman—Hamlet

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears—Julius Caesar

Full of sound and fury—Macbeth

Get thee to a nunnery—Hamlet

Give the devil his due—Henry IV

Good night, ladies—Hamlet

Good riddance—Troilus and Cressida

Green-eyed monster—Othello

Halcyon days—Henry VI ****

Her infinite variety—Antony and Cleopatra

Hoist with his own petard—Hamlet

Hold a candle to—The Merchant of Venice

Household words—Henry V

I am fortune's fool—Romeo and Juliet

I have immortal longings in me—Antony and Cleopatra

I have not slept one wink—Cymbeline

In my heart of hearts—Hamlet

In my mind's eye—Hamlet

Into thin air—The Tempest

It smells to heaven—Hamlet

It was Greek to me—Julius Caesar

It's a wise father that knows his own child—The Merchant of Venice

Kill ... with kindness—The Taming of the Shrew

Knock, knock! Who’s there? —Macbeth

Laughing-stock—The Merry Wives of Windsor

Lean and hungry look—Julius Caesar

Lend me your ears—Julius Caesar

Let slip the dogs of war—Julius Caesar

Lord, what fools these mortals be!—A Midsummer Night's Dream

Love is blind—The Merchant of Venice

Merry as the day is long—Much Ado About Nothing

Milk of human kindness—Macbeth

More fool you—The Taming of the Shrew

More in sorrow than in anger—Hamlet

More sinned against than sinning—King Lear

Murder most foul—Hamlet

My own flesh and blood—The Merchant of Venice

My salad days, when I was green in judgment—Antony and Cleopatra

Neither a borrower nor a lender be—Hamlet

Not a mouse stirring—Hamlet

Now gods stand up for bastards—King Lear

Now is the winter of our discontent—Richard III

O, Brave new world—The Tempest

Once more unto the breach—Henry V

One fell swoop—Macbeth

One that loved not wisely, but too well—Othello

Out, damned spot!—Macbeth

Out, out, brief candle—Macbeth

Paint the lily—King John

Paint the lily—King John

Parting is such sweet sorrow—Romeo and Juliet

Play fast and loose—Love's Labour's Lost

Pomp and Circumstance—Othello

Primrose path—Hamlet

Put out the light—Othello

Sharper than a serpent’s tooth—King Lear

Short and the Long of It—Merry Wives of Windsor

Short shrift—Richard III

Smooth runs the water where the brook is deep—Henry VI, Part II

Something in the wind—The Comedy of Errors

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark—Hamlet

Sorry sight—Macbeth

Spotless reputation—Richard III

Star-crossed lovers—Romeo and Juliet

Stony-hearted villains—Henry IV, part 1

Stood on ceremonies—Julius Caesar

Strange bedfellows—The Tempest

Suit the action to the word—Hamlet

Sweets to the sweet—Hamlet

The be-all and the end-all—Macbeth

The better part of valour is discretion—Henry IV, part 1

The course of true love never did run smooth—A Midsummer Night's Dream

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose—The Merchant of Venice

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers—Henry VI, part 2

The game is afoot—Henry IV, part 1

The game is up—Cymbeline

The naked truth—Love's Labour's Lost

The play’s the thing—Hamlet

The quality of mercy is not strained—The Merchant of Venice

The lady doth protest too much, methinks—Hamlet

The readiness is all—Hamlet

The rest is silence—Hamlet

The time is out of joint—Hamlet

The working day world—As You Like It

The world's mine oyster—The Merry Wives of Windsor

There is a tide in the affairs of men—Julius Caesar

There’s a divinity that shapes our ends—Hamlet

They say an old man is twice a child—Hamlet

This was the noblest Roman of them all—Julius Caesar

Though this be madness, yet there is method in't—Hamlet

Throw cold water on it—The Merry Wives of Windsor

Till the crack of doom—Macbeth

'Tis neither here nor there—--Othello

To be, or not to be: that is the question—Hamlet

To make a virtue of necessity—The Two Gentlemen of Verona

To the manner born—Hamlet

To thine own self be true—Hamlet

Too much of a good thing—As You Like It

Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown—Henry IV, part 2

Unkindest cut of all—--Julius Caesar

Unsex me here—Macbeth

We are such stuff as dreams are made on--The Tempest

We have seen better days—As You Like It

Wear my heart on my sleeve—Othello

What a piece of work is a man—Hamlet

What the dickens—The Merry Wives of Windsor

What’s done is done—Macbeth

What's in a name?—Romeo and Juliet

What's past is prologue—The Tempest

When shall we three meet again? –Macbeth

Me? umm sure

Today was the first day since I restarted school for this year that I didn't end up showing someone to their classroom or the office. Someone always ended up stopping to ask me where their class was or if I worked there. Towards the end of the 1st week, I just gave up explaining that I’m not a staff member and just went along with asking 'how can I help you' lol This has happened to me countless times when I went out shopping...someone always thinks I’m working in whatever store I just so happened to be in. Maybe it’s because I'm always waiting around lazily... who knows. Or am I approachable? Maybe it's both … You tell me...

Happy New Day

I wrote this 3 days ago and now that I'm finally getting my net to work, here we go!

The clock striked 12...It officially brought in the New Year 2007. It’s amazing that just a concept of numbers, time and expectation of ramifications of the former, could bring about such a sudden and drastic change in mentality and moods world wide!

Considering the lawlessness and undercurrent of panic that seeps into every family, in every home and into everyone's heart...maybe we need more than 1 declared 'new year' per year. Let's make it a new year every month, or even better, let’s delight in positivism and hopefulness each and every morning! Why not celebrate the rising of the sun every day? Obviously we're not going to drink 'till we can't remember our names and create fog in a Caribbean island with countless Fireworks going off every night...but we can carry that feeling within us, every day. Awake with our daily resolutions, the joy of a new beginning or the improvement of a current endeavor. Out with the pain and regret and grudges... and in with the pure essence of love, happiness and overall peace of mind, in our homes, communities, societies, countries and in the world throughout!

Happy New Day!

Finding Freedom In No

From personal experience, I know how hard it is to say 'no' sometimes. I always associated the word 'No' with negativity an selfishness. Actually it was one of the best pieces of advice I recieved awhile ago 'Learn to say no, be good to you, sometimes it's okie to seem a little selfish' ... and that was the hardest thing to do...and I'm guessing it's so for a lot of you out there. I feared saying No and having to disappoint someone, and I still do... but I keep in mind that if I can't look out for and be good to myself first, how can I expect to truly be there for others?

Many of us, from childhood on, are taught that saying yes is right and saying no is wrong. We learn that acceding to demands allows us to avoid conflict and criticism, please people, earn praise, and prove that we care for the important people in our lives. Yet the right to say no is indelibly intertwined with the ability to make choices. When we sense we are limited in our options, compelled to say yes even when doing so is not in our interests, we are effectively robbed of our ability to choose. Growing out of this tendency to say yes even when we desperately want to say no can be challenging because we suspect that others will reject us for our assertiveness. But the reward we receive upon facing this challenge is true freedom of choice.

When others ask you to take on work or do favors, consider their requests carefully. If you feel pressed to say yes, consider whether you are acquiescing out of a desire for approval or to stave off disapproval. Remind yourself often that the ability to say no is an important aspect of well-being, as it is an indication that you understand the true value of your energy, talents, and time. As you learn to articulate your personal power by saying no, you may feel compelled to explore the myriad consequences of the word by responding negatively to many or most of the requests put to you. The word “no” may even become your default response for some time. When you see that life moves forward without interruption, however, you will grow more comfortable saying no and will resume making decisions from a point of balance.

There is nothing inherently wrong with acceding to the requests others make of you, provided these requests do not infringe upon your health or your happiness. Keep in mind that it is only when you feel you have the legitimate right to say no that you can say yes with utmost certainty, sincerity, and enthusiasm. While saying yes almost always has a cost, you can feel good about offering your agreement when your reasons for doing so are rooted in your individual values and your appreciation for the appeal before you.

Now re-read this last paragraph...

Sometimes, forgivness is right where we fell...

There are no other words to better describe what happened other than quoting myself (again):

The human mind is most amazing considering the ease to which our own fundamental views and values can be twisted, blurred and downright manipulated to validate the decision of any passing action or thought, that upon reflection, gets swept away with yet another passing moment in time... never consciously noted but almost always that sort after instigator for future trials and burdens.

This one has been consciously noted! I watched it all play out like a movie before my eyes, while they glazed over with tears feeling helplessly hopeless.

I can only be grateful in knowing that its the trials and mistakes that reflect our true strengths, bonds and beliefs. The apologies are still seeping out, but my heart is at rest. No use in actively regretting... just in being cautious in future decisions. We are all giving eachother another chance...and so is friendship. So is love. So is family.

1 month can be undone in an hour

Here are 2 entries I made in my journal 1 month apart

03/11/06

I am used goods and brand new. I am damaged and healed. I am an old soldier but new to this game. No more guns...just arrows.

I am bursting with excitment and shuddering with fear. I am the seasoned dominator but will easily succumb. No more lies...just caution.


03/12/06

It is no longer a game, but a dance. A beautiful flow going backward and foward, side to side, yet still moving ahead towards an unspoken, feared but desierable outcome.

How long will sweet silence suffice? I want to surrender and I want to fight... but most of all, I want to keep on dancing.

School is in full swing. At this very moment I opt to write here than settle on a subject to review. I really should break out of this procrastinatng habit. But sometimes, I just feel so tired....The wheels have been set in motion & the destination focused on...not just here, but above as well, so I can't stop now...I don't want to.

I have handed over the reins and stepped onto the track...now I must keep on moving.

Mapping The Inner Journey

Journaling As Meditation

Of the countless forms of meditation we can use, journaling offers its own unique benefits. Most meditations help empty the mind of concerns and bring positive ideas from our mental landscape, but journaling helps us anchor that experience in the material world. Not every person is attracted to meditating in seated silence, and journal meditation is a nice alternative as an active meditation. It allows us to trace our journey and see where we have grown and what lessons we may be repeating. By employing a different part of the brain than creative or inspired thought, writing or typing a journal can create a greater sense of connection and union with our physical selves and the world around us.

In working through challenges, it can be helpful to first empty all worries from our heads onto the safe pages of our journal. Fears can be brought to light rather than allowing them to haunt the dark corners of our subconscious. We may even feel heaviness dissipate once our heads are free from clutter, leaving space for inspiration and the creation of positive images in their place. Often in the process of writing out all the details of an event that troubles us, something that had been forgotten will come to the surface, providing a missing piece of the puzzle. Then we can truly begin to come up with answers, and write them down beside the worries to map the way from concern to constructive thought.

For capturing guidance and flashes of inspiration, journaling is ideal. This is especially true in the case of dreams, which often fade as we awaken. While working toward goals, keeping track of progress as well as guidance from readings or divination tools can be encouraging. Though it can be difficult to keep all of our guidance in the front of our minds, if we write it down it can serve as a reminder whenever we need it. We can also use our journals to converse with our higher selves or even the universe. Journaling offers yet another way to unburden mind and spirit, while also creating a record of the present and preserving our hopes and dreams for the future.

Daily Om Article: November 22, 2006


Keeping A Diary With Purpose

A diary can play many roles. It can be a confidant, a vehicle of self expression, a tool that facilitates clarity of thought, or a repository of dreams. A diary can also be a powerful source of comfort during challenging or traumatic periods. When you record those insights and incidents that clearly demonstrate you are on the right track, you can return to your words days, weeks, or months later and find uniquely soothing reassurance. A diary with a specific purpose can be a good tool for keeping track of experiences before the passage of time can skew your perception of events. It reflects the immediacy of your life and thus provides you with a landmark to return to when you begin to doubt yourself. If doubt does arise, simply open your diary to reaffirm your experiences. The confidence, surety, passion, and bravery you felt in a single moment is preserved, giving you a means to recapture those feelings in any place, at any time.

Your diary serves as a repository of personalized encouragement. Since a diary is, by its very nature, as individual as you are, you should give some thought to the type of diary that will serve you best. A synchronicity-and-connections diary might describe those instances where seemingly random occurrences came together in a meaningful way, propelling you forward. Or you may find strength in the pages of a pride diary that makes note not only of those times you felt proud of yourself but also precisely why you were pleased with your efforts. And a cause-and-effect diary can help you become more decisive by reminding you of all the wise, life-affirming choices you have made. Your diary should be small enough to be readily portable and on hand whenever possible because the faster you put your thoughts down on paper, the more authentic your declarations are apt to be.

Regardless of the type of focused diary you choose to keep, your recollections will create a positive feedback loop that helps you cope with doubt in a constructive way. Reading through your diary when life seems uncertain can show you that your misgivings are unfounded. As you draw consolation from your uplifting words, you will know without a doubt that you are indeed living your purpose and following the path that you committed to before birth.

Daily Om Article: November 15, 2006

All in 1 hour

I just came home from a Focus Group I was involved in for the CNMG (Caribbean News Media Group). It was actually a focus group on behalf of the CNMG, carried out by an Advertising and Market Research company. It was short and sweet and pretty much an example of what I want to do in the future regarding my carrer...@ least a stepping stone. Interesting huh? I really appreciated getting the opportunity to participate.

Here are some things I learnt:

• I don't listen to a huge range of radio stations (cept 95.1, 93.5 & 97.1)
• I don't have any concept of favorite brands of clothing (@ least not for myself, I can quicker pick up my fav. clothes on guys :p)
• I really do have a more extensive articulate vocabulary than I thought I did
• I really am 'more thought, less talk' when I'm not yet comfortable with ppl
• The non Bsc. program students are... hmmm... 'young'? Despite similar ages. Today reminded me of being back in a High School (cept it'll be co'ed)
• School feels incomplete without 'the gang'
• A lot of ppl don't know what 'blogging' means
• Working for a Marketing & Research agency really needs objectivity & fast writing skills & remembering names :p
  

Isn't it sweet to just give a factual/opinionated day to day account kinda blog? No strange deep thoughts ae!

Impetus

So... I may need continuity...need a drive, a reason, a season, a mindset, help, reassurance, momentum!!! and in it all...

"Let our powers combine! Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart! By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet! GO PLANET! " :D yay!!!!

Ok ok, maybe not, BUT, with these factors combined I have my Impetus... & I'll keep riding this wave towards the shore of success. It won't be easy of course...but I can see where I'm going & I want to get there.

What do you think? ... I revisit

The human mind is most amazing considering the ease to which our own fundamental views and values can be twisted, blurred and downright manipulated to validate the decision of any passing action or thought, that upon reflection, gets swept away with yet another passing moment in time... never consciously noted but almost always that sort after instigator for future trials and burdens.

We often stop and wonder... regret. Yet we never indulge any form of masochism to face the truth ... and that is, we have been, still are and always will be the the most active player in any game we find ourselves in...rather, any game we design and build around us.

The great dual burden of emotions and high intelligence was singular to humankind, and it was what made life so hard; you were always thinking about what you were feeling instead of just going with the moment, or you were always trying to feel what you think you should feel in a given situation. Thoughts and judgment were inevitable colored by emotions - some of them on a subconscious level, so you didn't even entirely understand why you made certain decisions, acted in certain ways. Emotions clouded your thinking; but thinking to hard of your feelings took the edge off them"

Dean Koontz. - Midnight - pg 193

1:42am

1:42am

I have an exam in a few hours & I somehow chose to rise from my deep sleep, drift downstairs & sit in the dark cold kitchen. I don't like how I'm feeling tonight...

1:44am

Maybe I'll have me some cake

Sweet Honestly

If a comment falls on deaf ears
clogged & cleared from all those years
It was because I found what I feared I would
when I sank in disbelief that I actually could
I smile with no reservations now you see
and this in itself brings sadness to me
'cuz I wonder & hope that one day we'll be there
and it's this very expectation that brings me fear
I will say nothing more, for now at least
for the smile on my face refuse to cease
*sigh* :)

I am becoming my own library

Here are some new books I bought during Summer Vacation this year:

• I never promised you a rose garden - Joanne Greenberg
• Mr. Murder - Dean Koontz
• Frankenstein Bk1 The Prodigal Son - Dean Koontz
• Frankenstein Bk2 City of Night - Dean Koontz
• She's come undone - Wally Lamb
• Deception Point - Dan Brown
• Lasher - Anne Rice (Mayfair Witch series)
  
• Taltos - Anne Rice (Mayfair Witch series)
• The Witching Hour - Anne Rice (Mayfair Witch series)
• The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
• Memoirs of a Geisha - Author Golden
• The curious incident of the dog in the nighttime - Mark Haddon
• Forever Odd - Dean Koontz
  
• The Husband - Dean Koontz
• Freakonomics, A rougue economist explores the hidden side of everything - Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
• The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty - A. N. Roquelaure Anne Rice

Plus these three I bought earlier today:

Would you eat your unborn?

Lemme start by saying that there's a slight possibility you may find the following a bit disturbing... I know I sure did.

As I lay on bed last night, trying my best to fall asleep, the most absurd string of thoughts came into my mind.

'Hams or Egg's' - According the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy. You can either be the Ham or the Egg, the Pig or the Chicken.

The Egg is layed by a chicken...the egg is indeed a chicken waiting to be born. And we, human beings, take those eggs that a chicken laboured to produce, we take those babies, crack open their shell and EAT THEM! We actually eat the offspring of another animal...just like that! When I thought about, I couldn't help but turn the senario around. What would it be like if some creature out there was to extract the womb of a pregnant woman, tear it open and eat everything inside. Throw in the featus, amniotic fluid and ofcourse the placenta, into a pot with onions, salt and blackpepper, flip it over to make sure it's cooked on both sides and offer it up on a plate to be eaten. It's simple evoloution for you to see. In seeing that image in your mind, how can someone actually eat eggs?

Sigh...I donno. The strangest things come to my mind around 3am when I can't sleep

Rainbows & Good Mornings

Today... I saw the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen in my entire life!!! A huge complete perfect arch of ROYGBIV. I was going up the highway around 7am in the drizzling rain and it was as if time stopped and everything seemed inconsequential to the marvel and beauty of something so amazing. But here's the icing on the cake! It wasn't just one rainbow...but two rainbows...one above the other! Absoloutly stunning! I don't think I'll ever see something like that again.

I made personal history today when I reached to school so early that it wasn't even open! We had to wait for the dude to open the gate to drive in, then the other gate to walk in. I was one of 2 students to be in school @ that hour - 7:30am. I was the only person in the whole office as well... sitting there in the still darkness lol. What a day!

I don't wanna say too much, but you have no idea how amazing it felt to look up the stairs and see what I saw. *sigh* :)

Now I just want to find my bed and curl up with a pillow :)

Life know what it was doing...

Everything happens for a reason. Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.

Wow! I thank you so much for everything. The foundation was being laid down all this time, and we never knew... it was all for now. I may have cried and may have frowned...but I have never been happier than today. And you knew it. You knew it even before I did.
But now I know. Now we know.

Yuh know, life really does have a way of turning out just the way it was ment to be. I am so glad I don't have ctrl over all things, cuz I never would have been where I am today.

What a day! Did I ever mention I love nice smelling cologne? wow

Did I really just do that?

I needed to charge my cell phone and dad being the one who actually likes charging phones on a nightly basis, was given the responsibility to do so (thanks dad!) For security sakes *ahem*, I’m gonna leave out the exact number, but as of lately, we have a lotttt of cell phones in this house, and thus, a lotttt of chargers. Thankfully for me, my cell charger was the only one not black! It’s white… you can’t miss it! And somehow, we all did. For the life of me, no one in this family seems to know where my poor cell phone charger disappeared too ?

So last night we’re looking around at every plug outlet, behind boxes and in then, under chairs and on them but to no avail. Then, the simplest most logical thought pattern formed in my head, and I even went as far as saying it out loud “Aye dad, why don’t we just search for it!” Now can you imagine the looks I got after saying that? (like..umm…what do you think we’re doing?) Then reality struck me! Somewhere in my warped little mind ? the next logical step was to bring up ‘start – search’ and type in ‘charger’.

This is no joke my friends! I actually honestly mixed up the world of reality and computer land!

I know this happens to other people, it can’t just be me (right?)



PS: The charger is still to be found

Disconnected

It's quater past eleven and I'm just coming to terms with an incredible feeling of disconnection.

My dialup connection has died. My Yahoo, Hotmail and most importantly, my Gmail cannot be signed into...so I can't recieve or send any email. My MSN cannot be signed into, no matter what connection setting or proxy setting I try. And tonite, to add salt to my 'wounds' - my cell phone goes whack. Some calls not getting trough and most dropping and worst yet, my text messaging stopped working.

I called in TSTT and they no longer have the authority to reactivate post-paid accounts via telephone, so I'll have to go into an office when I can.

A lot of ppl will say the obvious "thats good, just learn to be with urself and go sleep or something. Read a book, write a poem, pray...something" This I could and prolly would do. I've spent the last 19 months doing exactly that, and one month back in the game, getting this distanced by force just gave me a lil panic inside. Thats the major reason. Then there's the fact that I actually want to communicate with certain ppl rite now. Hmmmm... Interesting

My babe misses me tooo... & I miss her. She told me yesterday that she feels so disconnected from me since I'm no longer on msn and trying the ebuddy thing. Now I really understand how she feels. But, I take solace in knowing that each moment is just that, a moment. Everything will be fine

I'm glad I expressed this...however silly & "TMI" it may sound, I really am Glad I did. It was more for me than.... But thanks for reading :)

What's in a lie?

Wow... it looks like every other person is coming down with some flu or the next. I caught a bit of it myself, but it's more like a stomach bug. My tummy feels funny still. Week 4 of me being 'back to school' has come to and end today. 1 month has passed already. I'd like to say I made some new friends. As time goes by we will see, but I know this so far, there is at least one or two I am looking fwd to getting to know better.

Sooo... have you ever wondered how easy it to lie without telling an untruth? Lie in the sense that you know you're misleading a person, though you did state the truth. It's all in the context... or omission. I donno, maybe I'm just sensitive to these things, or I want to be. I've said it sooo many times before and I'll say it again: it’s amazing what you can do with the English language.

Oh wait...
Example 1:
You're out liming with some friends and your mom calls and asks what you're doing and you say "Oh, I'm just drinking and smoking and making out with some random guy & gurl, yuh know, d usuals". Now it's up to her if she believes you or not. And more than usual, she won't. You're just kidding... yea rite...just tease your old momma. BUT hey! You just might be doing exactly that!!! You didn't lie, but you knew she wouldn't believe you anyway (who in their right mind really does tell their parents when they're doing something like that and is actually serious about it??!) Anyways, this is just an old technique I discovered a few years aback. How's that for an example? lol

Example 2:
Person 1: "yuh going home right?"
Person 2: "yea yea, laterz"
Person 1: Aight, I'll call

Reality - Person 2 drops in by Tom, Dick & Harry and a Roti shop before reaching home 8 hrs later. After all, he didn’t say he was going home NOW.

Anywaysssss... So yea. Lying without telling an untruth. Lying through deception and omission of facts. I'm sure we all did it. I'm not so sure how many of us know it, or even feel guilty bout it. But in the court of law, a play on words never stands up. Just imagine the possibilities, the literalness and be aware that sometimes, some people aren't being vague, sarcastic or funny... they're actually telling the truth, and we just don't know it.

Being Twenty Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe you can love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

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I got this in an email and decided to check it out online to find the original source. Seems that this piece of writing has passed from blog to blog and website to website as we young people felt urged to post it and pass it along. And now, I find myself doing the same... But in my books, upon reflection, these are really the best years of our lives... it's all in how you make it (even in your head).

My Reminder

I felt terribly confused and conflicted and I really didn't like feeling that way. It leads to hurt, anger and resentment. I then thought about an entry I once posted about 'typical irrational beliefs' because one or two of the statements were applying to me at the moment... if only I can find it, read it and remind myself once again. As I came online, I decided to just click back into my archives for October 2005... just to see what was up in the mind of Tunks exactly a year from now. And there it was!!! The very same entry that had crossed my mind last night and the only entry made on that Month. But I know why...

I would like to re-post it, both for myself and anyone who may need to read it once again.

TYPICAL IRRATIONAL BELIEFS

We must be loved by everyone and everyone must approve of everything we do.

We must be thoroughly competent, adequate, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects.

Certain acts are wrong or wicked or villainous, and people who perform them should be severely punished.

It is a terrible catastrophe when things are not as we would like them to be.

Unhappiness is the result of external events and happenings that are focused on us and that we have no control over.

We should be greatly concerned about dangerous and fearful things and must center our thinking on them until the danger has passed.

It is easier to avoid difficulties and responsibilities in life than to face them.

We need someone or something stronger than ourselves to rely on.

Because something greatly influenced us in the past, it must determine our present behavior: the influence of the past cannot be overcome.

What other people do is vitally important to us, and we should make every effort to change them to be the way we think they should be.

There is one perfect solution to every problem, and if it is not found, the results will be terrible.

One has virtually no control over her emotions; she is their victim and cannot help how she feels.

I'll keep reading 'till I get it right

I've been thinking - Am I reading the signs correctly, or am I reacting to how I think I want them to be, and how I feel?

We are constantly engaged in modifying our perception of each other and indeed ourselves. However, many of our interactions are guided by our awareness of how the other individual ought to behave if he is what we assume or believe him to be. First, we classify each other and then act towards one another in a way they regard as being appropriate, though they may have also modified their behavior as a result of changes in the basis of the interaction of misunderstandings of the symbols they are using.

Symbolic Interactionism - Am I misunderstanding the symbols? I’m just being precautious by brainstorming all the possibilities, and there in comes my cognition. Well you know the saying ‘once bitten, twice shy’

I like being okie

I can't remember the last time I just logged into blogger.com and started to write something, without an incling of an idea as to what I'm gonna say. This is one such moment.

"Keep smiling in the face of adversity". For some reason that statement has popped into my mind. If it's one thing I've heard over the years, is that I always have a smile or glow about me, that distracts from anything being wrong. Like I've said before, maybe it's only my eyes that give me away... or those rare moments when I don't even try to smile, cuz otherwize smiling comes so natrually.

I smiled a lot today. I pause now in my writing, thinking of an explaination I could share. But I've come to realize, I don't need a reason to smile. I don't need a reason for a feeling of happiness to be logically spelled out infront of me. There comes a point in our lives, where you can't help but appreciate... where happiness is only a smile away... and where life, with its ups and especially it's downs, really is a joy and wonder!!! Food for the soul.

Monday

Sunday is over. Thank Goodness!

Yesterday we were plagued with the 'cleaning syndrome'... Eid and Divali is coming up this weekend and I'm sure countless households have been inflected with this 'Cleaning syndrome' as well. Now, I had no intentions of being contaminated, so I stayed away from all such activities. To be honest, I'm really lucky I came out unscathed (so far)

I stayed up really late last night trying to finish some home work for Sociology. It really is a lot of reading, thinking and of course, writing. Actually, I've never studied this subject before in my life, so technically, it's a lot of learning, in the true sense of the word. Anyways, I eventually got fed up with all the writing (seeing as I can never write as fast as my mind is thinking) and just typed out all my answers instead. Ah well, but that's done as well, and I couldn't be happier. Despite falling asleep around 4am, I still managed a sweet, deep, solid 8 hrs sleep :) It's always a nice feeling waking up, without an alarm, knowing your body has been fully rested and rejuvenated for a new day. And a new day it is!

Come to think of it... my entries are becoming more like that of the old Tunks... but with less Trini slang. This style is dipping into my 2003 archives where I was generally happier with fewer responsibilities outside of the academic world. I may not have fewer responsibilities now, but I have a different mindset and reorganized priorities than I did over the last 3 years. Some changes, though greatly resisted, really are good for us. But don't worry, I'll mix it up.

The Director in all of us

Once I don't immediately fall asleep, once I hit the bed, my day starts replaying itself in my head. I know this happens to almost everyone... We are bound to reflect on the events of the day from time to time, more so at night when the day is about to end (according to the grand old scheme of time). When the night comes, and my body is at rest and my mind is trying to shift through all the thoughts to get to that nice quiet place where everything goes blank and sleep takes over, that's when the movie begins!

I'm the director, the actor and everyone else in between. I replay the events of the day and I keep finding myself changing them. Changing the circumstances, the scenarios, the scenes. I cut out what I don't like and add in something new. I play each event over and over using different actions and evaluating the consequences. I find myself refining them to the point where I see them as perfect... as how I wish it was or would be. Sometimes I can get lost during all this role play and the disappointment of bringing reality back to the facts is undeniable. This is why I hate doing this.

It's something I've always done...it’s like a part of life. When I catch myself in the directors’ seat, I immediately snap myself back. This also applies to this little philosophy I came up with, that is, once I think about something... fantasize about how I want a scenario to play out in the future, it is then that it's almost sure never to happen. It's almost as if I think I’m jinxing myself. If you picture the perfect scene in your mind, even in its objective imperfection, you create the dialogue, circumstances and reactions... then you know that it will never be. Unless you're beyond psychic. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this properly... it has nothing to do when it comes to positive thinking in setting goals and so on, it's just down to the detailed basics. Think about it. It's after 1 in the morning. I've just done some school work the night before a public holiday and the beginning of a 5 day long weekend for me. I should get some sleep. Happy reading folks...Enjoy the holiday and rest well.

Lucid

How did I feel today?
I wish I could find a word to describe it.
All I know is that it's just like my pre-actions.
I couldn't sleep last night. Today I arrived to class an entire hour early... but something in me was not right at all. I was overheating, heart racing and breathing difficult. I couldn't focus while conversing and kept rambling on with a friend. I decided I needed to get out of class before it began and get some fresh air...or something.

Turns out my feelings weren't exclusive to me... I've discovered an Empath in someone. I didn't really think about how I felt until approached and questioned...and I knew to myself, that if concern was continued, I would break. I didn't know how I felt. I didn't know how to express it... but I would have either cried or laughed or both.

This feeling got worst throughout my classes. Oddly enough, I managed to keep proper focus, attentive and responsive... It wasn't even an effort...my mind was working perfectly fine. I needed a focus and a chance to stay silent. Zone. It was just the emotional churning inside I couldn't put my finger on. My eyes glazed with tears. At times I had to hold my breath and bow my head to regain composure. I didn't trust what my facial expressions would betray. I would just smile to what looked like a private joke.

So I channeled and captured. 6 seconds.
In short, emotionally I felt like someone died but mentally everything made perfect sense

I predict this will continue for the next 7-10 days.

Excuse me Miss...

When we were younger most of us tried looking or sounding older than we were and we basked in the joy of knowing that someone thinks that. I'm sure everyone went through a period like that.Years down the road, the opposite is true. We want to look younger than we really are. It’s kinda like a never ending battle.

I've always enjoyed being the young one. I still do. In my family, immediate and extended and also in my classes throughout my academic life, I've always been one of the young ones, but that’s only by age. People almost always think I'm older than I am. Back in form 1, some people thought I was doing CXC..and mind you I was just 11 years old.

Over the past 2 years or so, I see a reoccurring pattern developing, where people keep assuming I'm 'a person in authority' depending on the gathering or occasion. In UWI I was mistaken as being a tutor but by just fellow students, but by tutors themselves. My first day of SBCS, and one of my lecturers thought I was a fellow lecturer. And now today, at a private course I'm doing...of a class of 12, I was the 2nd youngest (one being 19yo), yet for some strange reason a few of the students thought that I'm a teacher in SJC San'do (my Alma Mata). If people meeting me for the 1st time were to look at me and guess my profession (which I've had happen to me a few times), they either pin down 'teacher or works in a bank' - just from my looks. Why is that? Is it the way I dress...my short hair? My face? Mannerism? And why do they think I'm engaged? I don't wear a engagement ring? Hmmm...

I don't want to look older anymore. I like being young. I'm still Twenteen for God's sake!