Where is the line?

Sometimes it seems to me that there is a fine line between being positive/hopeful and being blinded/naive. But there is also a fine line between being cautious/careful and being cynical/jaded. Where do I find the line? How do I not cross it? In reality however, being cautious and being cynical is 2 very different things... one comes from good sense and the other comes from good sense gone bad. I'm not sure if that made sense lol But yea... How do you recognize if you're being cautious or if you've crossed over to the next side?

The Secret - theory of attraction... it makes me wonder. You want something, you hope for it... you see it unfolding before your eyes and just as it becomes real to you, the fear of loosing it becomes real as well. Why do we become afraid of loosing something we don't even have? Why do we become afraid of having something we always wanted? Is it self sabotage or self preservation? Maybe it's a bit of both...

I want to jump into the waters of positivity head on! I don't want to be afraid OF myself FOR myself anymore...

Sometimes, forgivness is right where we fell...

There are no other words to better describe what happened other than quoting myself (again):

The human mind is most amazing considering the ease to which our own fundamental views and values can be twisted, blurred and downright manipulated to validate the decision of any passing action or thought, that upon reflection, gets swept away with yet another passing moment in time... never consciously noted but almost always that sort after instigator for future trials and burdens.

This one has been consciously noted! I watched it all play out like a movie before my eyes, while they glazed over with tears feeling helplessly hopeless.

I can only be grateful in knowing that its the trials and mistakes that reflect our true strengths, bonds and beliefs. The apologies are still seeping out, but my heart is at rest. No use in actively regretting... just in being cautious in future decisions. We are all giving eachother another chance...and so is friendship. So is love. So is family.

1 month can be undone in an hour

Here are 2 entries I made in my journal 1 month apart

03/11/06

I am used goods and brand new. I am damaged and healed. I am an old soldier but new to this game. No more guns...just arrows.

I am bursting with excitment and shuddering with fear. I am the seasoned dominator but will easily succumb. No more lies...just caution.


03/12/06

It is no longer a game, but a dance. A beautiful flow going backward and foward, side to side, yet still moving ahead towards an unspoken, feared but desierable outcome.

How long will sweet silence suffice? I want to surrender and I want to fight... but most of all, I want to keep on dancing.

School is in full swing. At this very moment I opt to write here than settle on a subject to review. I really should break out of this procrastinatng habit. But sometimes, I just feel so tired....The wheels have been set in motion & the destination focused on...not just here, but above as well, so I can't stop now...I don't want to.

I have handed over the reins and stepped onto the track...now I must keep on moving.

What do you think? ... I revisit

The human mind is most amazing considering the ease to which our own fundamental views and values can be twisted, blurred and downright manipulated to validate the decision of any passing action or thought, that upon reflection, gets swept away with yet another passing moment in time... never consciously noted but almost always that sort after instigator for future trials and burdens.

We often stop and wonder... regret. Yet we never indulge any form of masochism to face the truth ... and that is, we have been, still are and always will be the the most active player in any game we find ourselves in...rather, any game we design and build around us.

The great dual burden of emotions and high intelligence was singular to humankind, and it was what made life so hard; you were always thinking about what you were feeling instead of just going with the moment, or you were always trying to feel what you think you should feel in a given situation. Thoughts and judgment were inevitable colored by emotions - some of them on a subconscious level, so you didn't even entirely understand why you made certain decisions, acted in certain ways. Emotions clouded your thinking; but thinking to hard of your feelings took the edge off them"

Dean Koontz. - Midnight - pg 193

Life know what it was doing...

Everything happens for a reason. Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.

Wow! I thank you so much for everything. The foundation was being laid down all this time, and we never knew... it was all for now. I may have cried and may have frowned...but I have never been happier than today. And you knew it. You knew it even before I did.
But now I know. Now we know.

Yuh know, life really does have a way of turning out just the way it was ment to be. I am so glad I don't have ctrl over all things, cuz I never would have been where I am today.

What a day! Did I ever mention I love nice smelling cologne? wow

I'll keep reading 'till I get it right

I've been thinking - Am I reading the signs correctly, or am I reacting to how I think I want them to be, and how I feel?

We are constantly engaged in modifying our perception of each other and indeed ourselves. However, many of our interactions are guided by our awareness of how the other individual ought to behave if he is what we assume or believe him to be. First, we classify each other and then act towards one another in a way they regard as being appropriate, though they may have also modified their behavior as a result of changes in the basis of the interaction of misunderstandings of the symbols they are using.

Symbolic Interactionism - Am I misunderstanding the symbols? I’m just being precautious by brainstorming all the possibilities, and there in comes my cognition. Well you know the saying ‘once bitten, twice shy’