Random burst

Ok so is this like a delayed reaction or what?
I'm liking it...
Am I am able to differentiate the type when the degrees of intensity are the same?
Do I want to?
Sleep seems most effective right about now
hehe

Clench

I queued up an Evanescence playlist on youtube, letting the music play and nostalgia seep through me.

Lying here with my laptop on me, song #11 began playing and I took a deep breath, suddenly becoming aware, much to my surprise, that I had been clenching my jaw very tight this whole time. Took an actual effort to open my mouth after an almost air tight, locked down clench!

I could feel the pulse in my tongue

Snakes and Earrings

I think I'm gonna start using my blog for book ranting now :) It's all personal, not trying to convince anyone to like or dislike a book.

So... lets start with the last book I read: Snakes and Earrings by Hitomi Kanehara

I enjoyed this book with such a sadomasochist version of empathy that it felt almost wrong! lol The prose is entrancingly raw & astonishingly direct... yet wielded together in such sound simplicity that it just works!

The duplicity of emotions I felt while reading this was astonishing to me... to enjoy something with such painful pleasure. Not unlike the story itself ;) The ending unraveled so forcefully, leaving a heaviness on my chest and lump in my throat... staring at the pages in almost disbelief - though I'm sure the author meant us to know, what we know, but won't say...& what Lui seems to be able to live with.

Anywayssss... Descriptive, raw, direct, real, rated, seductive and simple. T'waz a good read for me :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snakes_and_Earrings

Morning... Mourning

This morning I woke up before my alarm, about 20 minutes before.
I woke up sad.
I remember dreaming, a lot of dreaming, but nothing like a nightmare per say or anyone died or anything, but I opened my eyes and all I could feel was an overwhelming wave of despair creeping up on my faster than I could control.
Getting lost in the feeling was the last thing I could afford, so I tried to find reasons for it, but my mind won't let me. I couldn't think. I lay there staring at the ceiling, the cupboards, the windows, my pillow, the million and one pieces of clothes piling up on my desk and nothing seemed to make sense. The calm and panic all mixed into one, no sieve of reason or understanding to save me.
My chest was heavy, my body tight with tension and pain... I felt weak, emotionally and physically.
My throat felt like it was burning... then I realized I was holding my breath.
Tears came to my eyes... what's going on? How could this be happening with no known reason? Did I dream something? Is something going to happen?
Yes, maybe it is.
...
Mom came into my room to bid me goodbye before heading to work and I just hugged her. My body was hot. Or she was cool.
...
I remember having breakfast. Watching the table in front of me and thinking it's so far away. Do I have to make the effort to move towards it? I feel drained. I don't want to move.
...
I made coffee... maybe this might perk me up. I took happy pills. I took a warm and a cold shower. I made my eye makeup really pretty wit shimmery silver blending into shimmery black.
...
I put on drab gray & black clothes and was off...

!

I want out

Deny

Maybe I would have changed things,
had I know that this was what was going to be
and the mere fact that I know this is so very wrong;
Why did you even have to tell me?
How am I supposed to possibly accept
that my existence is going to be denied?
and despite all the honesty, or pseudo truths
I can assure you, this time, you should have lied.
It's going to be hard not to resent this fact
as the hours and days pile on
but I can only hope that this feeling wouldn't project onto you
until the memory that feeds it is gone...

Flower