NOTICE

My phone lines are dead! Yes we can all take some time out of our daily routine and Cuss TSTT! OR @ least laugh @ them or something! So Do that now! .... goooooddd!

Well this means i am off the net for however long ... NO phones and NO internet! Dis iz hard dreadz! So If u have my cell Number feel free to call me n e time and Text Mesasge whenever u so desire! So i will have some form of contact with the outside world.

Anodda thing ... keep de fwds for anodda time...dont want my inbox overflowing!

ne ways i here by meh cuz ... Aight well Friday i did have a good time. Huge Pizza Hut lime ... buffet style for everyone! I got ticked to death and bitten and well got my revenge in my own way as well. Kinda freaked in a certain meeting ... ok yes i did...darn. But de day was good. I say and limed with all my friends cept Favi....sorry u couldnt be there Chick...but we did think about u. :) Dem details i hadda give anodda time.

But i did get a lot of sleep since Friday. Came home Friday evening and slept away with my same clothes on .... next morning woke for a few hrs and slept again and slept again de night after and been sleeping my life away since. AND ofcourse doing Lots of Search and find puzzles and playing countless games of Tetris....and well last night i resorted to reading .... so I have 6 more pages of a book to read out which i started about 10pm last night. See what happens when u take de intenet away from an internet adict! Its a sad sad thing! But i shall survive!

| Food For Thought | The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Afterglow

Well ... i woke up this morning with a lessons learnt! (again) Stress is definitly my #1 trigger when it comes to my illness and PAIN! Considering the events of yesterday...this is the after-effect...bloddy pain and de exact same kind that had me home for an entire week. And i have this big day planned out and i feel this way! Grarrrrrr.

N e wayz...according to yesterday's entry there is something i could have said but just couldnt. Well now that im in 'blunt' spirits let me nutshell it one more time. Reached school late, walked onto the stage in de middle of Mass (shoulda see de SHOCK on my face), the Open Day program was ok, drank some lucozade, laughed and laughed and laughed and then cried and cried and cried and cried some more for about an Hr (literally...non-stop) sitting on a bench infront the library exposed for all of covnent to see. Reached home eventually tired and in a real "dont get on my case" mood ... eventually calmed down. Talked on de phone con mis amigas y mi amigo. Went to sleep. "An Odd Day in the life of Tanya"

| Food For Thought | When the door of happiness closes, another opens but oftentimes we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

~ Dropped everything ... exposed~

Jah dreadz...today was a day i'm not prepared to talk about ... btw....i 'finished' cross-stitching @ 4am this morning ... Open Day today! Good Friends ... Nut-shell version ... *breath* ... way dreadz ... Damnnnnn ... I dont even KNOW how to nutshell dis ting ... but knowing the ppl who know me ... u all are gonna find out! One way or de odda ... bout ... dis evening.

| Food For Thought | A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

| Song Playing | One More Try (Been playing over and over in my head since yesterday ... cant stop singing it to myslef )

~ Chillax ~

Well my ppl ... Today was a pretty good one considering de kinda pain i was in before. Oh well let's not talk about that...(im off de horrible pills now btw)

Aight so de thing iz...my entire concern today was to write my Business exam and try to finish my Cross-stitch. Now...the sad thing iz, i literally did not study for that exam! I LITERALLY didnt pick up a Business Book untill this morning in the car on my way to school. The exam (which i was prepared to totally fail and probably hand up a half blank sheet of paper) was much unlike what i had expected! It is safe to say that it was bloddy EASY! I (being my usual mad self) burst out laughing lf when i saw the paper (much to my teachers amazement). Well i wrote all 7 questions and even had 5 mins extra time to read over some of my well bluffed answers. Aight aight enuff bout de exam...de rest of my day i was @ ease now that THAT was over with. Spent a few hrs after cross-stitching and chillaxing (literally) with mis amigas. I only had 1 other class (lit.) and then projects! Once again the teachers eyes were transfixed on me as i went about my usual routine of Bursting out into some song or de odda in de middle of class! "yip yip yip yip yip yip yip Ah ha Ah ha. yip yip yip yip yip yip yip Ah ha Ah ha yip yip YOU yip yip ME yip yip BABY yip yip FAMILY" etc etc (come on ppl i KNOW u watch seseme street!) :-)

Aight well after school was over the LONG weekend began! (for those who are not in form 5 of Upper 6) All mis amigas went to the Mall for some 'shopping' ...dat was cool! Shall i call names? YES I SHALL! Fav, Rin, D, ME, Chris & Ger! & the rest of the Low family ofcourse. Aight we limed bout 2.5, ate (pizza) and went our seperate wayz....untill we ALL meet again tomorrow! Hip Hip Horray!

And well that was my day (more details u can get if u call me). This is my hail out!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE CHRISTIAN! & Good Luck to all de ppl writting Mock exams next week!

| Food For Thought | Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out you still care for that person.
| Song Playing | Evanescence - Bring Me To Life

~ Calm waters ~

Aight my fellow ppl ... before i start telling u bout my day i feel it to be absolutely necessary i give you this piece of advice! IF U HAVE A TOOTH FILLING, DO NOT i repeat DO NOT EVER EVER EVER CHEW ON FOIL! (if ure gonna experiment and do it n e wayz....accept my sympathy in advance!) Right....

I bounced into school late as usual (that was deliberate) and spent my 1st 3 periods in the library catching up, meeting, greeting & talking with mis amigas who i haven?t seen in more than a week! (me being absent and all) The rest of the day was pretty decent ... in the end we only had 2 classes and lots of entertainment from a cd player blasting 50cent (& some odda tracks) in my class. (yes we form 6's are natural slackers!)

I felt much better today compared to the days before. The pills have finally kicked in. I still feel a lil strange and upset but @ least its working. Thaz all for now...I not feeling like making this to long. Feeling lazy nah....wait i lie! I need to finish my cross-stitch tonight and study for a Business exam tomorrow. :S Way dreadz daz a lot of work.

Food For Thought - Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

| Song Playing | Merrill Bainbridge - Mouth

~Im back ~

I finally made it back to school after an entire week of being absent. Surprisingly ppl did miss me. I was on a low down all day though...mixture of the effect of the medications and trying to catch up with what goin on in class got me really tired and well ofcourse my mind thinking too much. All day i was just zoning out ... dat was pretty wierd.

Right about now i'm gonna do cross-stitch and definitly fall FAST asleep! Might come online later tonight ....or not ...self-ctrl needed! to resist the temptation of the internet. Humm...daz all for now. Be safe everyone. (if ya wanna contact me - email, text message or just call) Oh yes...Marc...if u are reading this and its after the hr. of 10pm...GET OFFLINE!

| Food For Thought | It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know you really care.

~ Fear of realities cold embrace ~

Its Sunday and i dont feel any better, infact i seem to be getting worst. But im keeping that undercontrol ... cant afford for the life of me to get a re-laps. I'm just taking this as a little warning and hope it all goes away soon...if not i'll be missing school AGAIN!

To you all who don't know what i'm am talking about ... I have Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA). It manifested it self around this time 3 years ago.I wont even go into the details of all that i went through except that its the most PAINFUL thing! *sigh*

I'm torn between making a dilberate decision against my own will or succumbing to my emotions ... but i guess that decision, as hard as it may seem in the begining, is the best thing to do for now ... it all gets better with time ...i hope.Why do we have to continue playing these games? there is no ignorance of the other's intentions but why do what we do to get that? Why all these riddles?

| Song Playing | Staind - For You

~ Norgesic ~

4 days away from school ... i feel sick inside... The new meds. the doc has me on iz one dangerous thing dreadz. It acts in the central nervous system (CNS) to produce its muscle relaxant effects. It works by blocking nerve impulses (or pain sensations) that are sent to your brain. PLUS i feel all queasy and disoriented!

| Song Playing | Seether - Fine Again

~ More Pills ~

So i woke up this morning. Cleary NOT well, but totally fine in spirits. So I put on my uniform, pack my bag and make it down stairs only to realise "Who are you fooling Tanya? No way you can make it in school today" Pain was only increasing. So changed back my clothes and hit the bed. By then ... way dreadz ... dat PAIN! Took about 1.5 hrs to fall alseep...which i did out of exsaustion! Couldnt make it to the doc. but he called and ive been prescribed some kinda muscle relaxant pills ... an overly strong thing ... a five day course! I hope to God that works!

| Song Playing | Nina Gordon - Tonight and the rest of my life

~ I Lost What I Thought I Wanted ... But Gained What I Already had ~

What did i have?

" The time has come, and slipped though the thoughts of life!
Which were made and molded and carried and folded
and held too close to the heart, too deep in the mind
Flooded with fear of realities embrace.
The purest of emotions tainted with pain "

These are my thoughts revealed! My thoughts....my words...my feelings...

| Song Playing | Creed - My Own Prison (Aucostic Extended)

~ Pain ~

Once again I am home! Bloddy pain iz a Killer! I just took a few pills and i gonna hit de bed in awhile.

Aight everyone ... in case ya didnt know ... i am now an author in Marc's Site! (@ least for now). So u can click here and check out some of my own entries.

| Song Playing | N'Sync - Gone

~ Strange Happenings ~

Good Morning. I now wake up ... aint reach downstairs as yet. Eyyyyy...last night was one ODD experience wayyy. I come home feeling sick...so i hit de bed early, pumped on pills, then some stuff came up and i woke back up. So from 11 - 1 am i was just roaming round my house like a zombie. Totally zoned out! It was freaky and i was ROASTING with fever. I had de strangest thoughts...DID n e 1 see the MOON last night????? MY God! It was soooo strange! Rare sight dreadz!!! yeaaa n e wayz. Later Oh yea...i not going to school today.

| Song Playing | No Doubt - Running

~ I Lost what I Thought I had ... but Gained what I really Wanted ~

Good Morning. Look @ the time, Monday Moring and I am awake far less online! Amazing ent? Well de plan is to go to school break time cuz i wanna start and finish dis lit essay i have to hand up today!

Everyone! I feel BETTER! A lot of stuff has been going on ... so much i cant even begin to "reveal my thoughts" about. But i finally think everything is gonna be OK! Honestly...let me thank you all for helping me through whatever it waz, in whatever way u did.

Marc ...the statement "I lost what I thought I had ... but Gained what I really wanted" reflects how i feel. I guess sacrificing something that you THINK is too big to give up, iznt all that bad ... cuz you never know what might come out of that. I've been brave and mentioned a name.

9:30am I have finnished my essay! WOPPPIIEEEE for me! Oh lord...except for de fact i in real pain physically. I donno what goin on ... if alya only know de kinda pain in in now. :S but hopefully good spirits shall cancle that!

7:50pm I am back from the Mall. Reached school and bounced into class 4th period. Had 2 free periods after lunch and well den ONLY 1 class last period. Worst thing is...im worried now. Dis pain aint easy. And today in de mall i relaised how bad it really waz. I donno....i need to rest. Dis sux!

| Song Playing | Alanis Morissette - Uninvited

~ Expect The Unexpected ~

Hi. Didnt update this in 2 days. Yes Lots happened ... but i dont know what to say here. Maybe I'll just say HI to everyone who reads this. Yes thats a good idea. "HI everyone!"

~ It's All Good ~

Lard Pressurez ppl, I actually went to school today! Was a waste academically AGAIN considering we only had 2.5 classes ... but learnt a thing or two. My friends are now looking @ me in a new light on hearing of the 'events' of yesterday evening *snniker*.

Last night ... i did something i hadn't done in a long while ... had a GOOD long conversation, something i really needed. I am still kinda amazed @ that, guess its just me. But it was a good thing....(dont mind my poor cell phone suffered immensly) ... i saw a side of the other person i had not seen before or @ least for a long while.

So tomorrow is Pres sports day ... n e body goin? I woulda go but i really dont wanna miss meh tripple of econ. (sad ting ent) De week done already dreadz wayyyy....dat was quick! and i sure aint complaining. WHERE DE LIME PPL!? Let we go somewhere? haha

| Song Playing | John Rezeznik - I'm Still Here

~ Idle Hands ~

I now came from the mall about an hr ago. Met my friends! WOW did some stuff! hehehehehe. Bad bad me! Dont worry ppl, involved no drugs or alcho so fear not. Hehehehehe. Aight let me once agian contain myself. Hope everyone is fine.

~ Home Once Again ~

Good Morning. The Weekend is finally over ... time to get back those brains working ... hopefully before the week is over.

Well as you can see, i am home and not in school. WHY? This is not a portrayal of my slakness but rather a sad example of the authority of the elders in the home....in other words...no one woke me up for school cuz they didnt see the point. So sorry guys for not being there ...

Aight...welcome back my Mayaro Posse ... all tanned and tired! Glad you are back safe. (There are 4 naps fellers walking in front my house for the 3rd time this morning...how odd...n e wayzzz) Have you ever noticed that the 'stupidist' things that you do, you actually think the most about it before? Maybe....

~ Just Fcuk That ~

Today, the last day of the carnival weekend. School and work tomorrow everyone. Unless ofcourse you are a born slacker and decide to take it upon yourself to lenghten the weekend to Wednesday, maybe even untill this Friday. If you are ... WOY WOY!

Since last Wednesday I have been kinda straying off de "great health" road ... took on too much stress, kept too many things inside. I need to do something about that now ... cant afford to get a 'relaps'. (I am prevented from cursing on this site cuz my mom likes to take a read ever-so-often)

Way dreadzzz ... Other than that small talk, i dont know what to say. Remember the 2nd posting i made where i said i cant really reveal all my thoughts ....well lately i'm realising how hard dat truth is. I really wont say what i wanna say ... @ least not here.

Food For Thought! (comment with your views on this one plz)
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had?

~ Every new Beginning comes from some other beginnings' End ~

Carnival Moday
Hi. I am home. Doing stuff rather than going out there and having fun.
The thing that has been goin on ... has been ... resolved ... in some twisted way as i fulfil my machosistic tendencies...ha!
I'm @ a lost for words ...

| Song Playing | Chris Isaak - Wicked Games

~ facts ~

EVERYONE! The links to the left are working! Click on the word "facts" and take a read.

And to continue my earlier posting ... that realization i had was actually something i always knew...was just waiting for that significant other to accept it. What a day today has been ... Thank God for friends! There when you need them, even if they are far away. (YAY for technology)

~ Yawwwnn ~

I now wake up. Can't remember the last time i get a good 10 Hrs sleep. Last Night de family went to pray ... that finished early (other ppl finished @ 6 am). We left Marabella a little after 1am. And i evetually went to dream land after 3.

I did a lot of thinking again last night dreadz....came to a decision about an issue bothering me for a good while now. Not really a decision but more like a realisation. Neways...daz all. Later

~ Carnival Weekend ~

Woiii My ppl. The Carnival Weekend is here and is in full blast! One sweet long weekend when everyone has an excuse to be a lil more freaky than they normally are, go a few more places than they normally do and be a LOT less worried and stressed bout work and school! Don't we all just Love Trinidad and Tobago for that!? :-)

Well unfortunatly, i fall under the other half of de population who not really into de whole Carnival Festivity ... not exactly by choice, but oh well. Today Saturday...i woke up 9am realised dat i dont wanna be up & about @ dat hr. and went right back to bed...didnt sleep, just thought bout stuff. Eventually was back to life @ 10am. The day thus far is goin good! I made a long list off all de academic things i hadda do dis weekend (lame ent) BUT i reallly need to catch back up with my work, and get some stuff out of the way. Oh yes...i go be out ALL night...12 hrs of praying...Somone has to get rid of the 'negativity' in de atomosphere.

Ne ways...wha iz alya planz for de weekend? Click on comment and tell me. ALL who goin Mayaro, tell meh when so i go know if we go bounce up. (unless ofcourse ya left already) Okie Dokie ... laterz. Take it easy everyone...be safe!

|| Song PLaying || Avril Lavigne - I'm With You

~ It's up to me ~

Today was the Convent's carnival interhouse competition. I reached to school a lil over an Hr late. (not my fault...@ all) Greeted by my friends. Had lunch which was specially made for me :) by mi amiga. De actual competition was good...if only de audit. waznt so hott! Blah blah Blah etc etc etc. After school (which was dismissed 30 mins late) i eventually found myself in de mall ... way dreadz ... hummmmm

Aight...to those who dont know wha goin on ... disreguard de next paragraph (and YES i am putting dis on meh site)

Stuff happened today ... You know who u all are, and u know what happened and i wanna say I AM SORRY! I am more sorry ... than I will ever admit. NO ONE iz to blame! I am in total ctrl of what i do and feel ... bleh (couldnt put de word i wanted to put here) de externalities! Its all up to me in de end ... so PLZ PLZ ..... i can't say dont worry ... but just give me some time.

Aight...i can say so much more ... but ne wayz ... just some of my favorite words from my favorite song.

"we tried to wash our hands of all of this, we never talk of our lack in relationships and how we're guilt striken, sobbing with our heads on the floor, we feel through the ice when we tried not to slip we'd say ... i cant be held responsible, cuz she was touching her face, i wont be held responsible, she fell in love in the 1st place...for the life of me, i cannot remember, what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise, for the life of me, i cannot belive we'd ever die for these sin, we were only freshmen"

| Song PLaying | Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had

~ Think ~

I wake up! Reached home, did some cross-stiching and den fell fast asleep on my comfy warm bed in my breezy room! (ah yes...the memories).

Ne ways...school today again. All I had was a tripple of lit in de morning and spent de rest of my day in de Library con mis amigas (whome i all love) cross-stiching, talking, doind search and find puzzles and using de pc's (everything but read a book in peace). Some of us got some quality sleep time on de couches! *snikker* ONCE again got a chance to have a serious conversation ... thanks for understanding!

Life these days has been kinda...i dont know a word to describe it. So lets just forget dat. Just been doin lots of thinking...round and round in circles. Life iz an amazing thing ... once u give it some thought!

Ne thing new and happening today? Nopes! Ah yes...I got my hairclip stolen from me by a savage being in a red car! hahaha. Just kidding...but it WAS stolen! (by a man in a red car) :( Tomorrow is Carnival in Convent! Yea! (I think)

"The hardest way to love you is to leave you...and i know its being masochistic, but so be it!...why push for the answer when its the last thing you want?" Food for Thought!

| Song PLaying | - NONE! Ha! :-)

~ Only in my mind ~

Oi. I went to school today ppl! Amazing eh! Reached late, limed away de 1st period instead of goin to class. Classes were normal....except for OFCORSE de carnival ting on de promanade which was VERY VERY distracting! I mean ...HOW can i (or ne one else) possibly concentrate on literature when they playing sweet soca nice and loud outside?

In general today was an eventful day. Fulfilling! Academically lacking...yes! But got some time to think and talk bout some serious things. (Btw 'D' I'm not gonna leave u ok! I will be alright!) It's times like this i need to thank God for my Friends! Real friends are so hard to find ppl, never take them for granted! Dont forget that!

Ne ways...after school, we went up to pres...lime ah 5....had part of my body kidnapped and held hostage by my dearest friends! (dont worry ... i got it back... im ok now) :-) Got a massage today to! Went to de mall after, just to do some business...where i was forced to part with my precious money (physically @ least) Aight....so dat was my day. Nothing to intriguing for the readers...unless ofcourse u can read my mind! Oh yes...incase i forget...i kinda 'convinced' de ppl in my projects class dat i was indeed INSANE! :S Well personally, i dont think bursting out into a groovy rendition of de alphabet in de middle of class is being 'crazy' ... i DID get de teacher to join in! So ha!

Aight well daz de stories ... Just remember ppl...be thankful for what u have! Cuz u never know when it will all be taken away from u!

| Song PLaying | Del Amitri - Driving With The Brakes On

~ Hot ~

The day is near the end...and i havent done ne school work, cept read some GP notes. Finally got some time for a much needed phone conversation. The reason for it being needed waznt wanted ... which makes it kinda void dont u think? Ne ways...de pain gone away. YEA! but now im overheated! Literally physically overheated! (some kinda thing with meh illness and meds etc) It happens daily...but today its BAD! "i feeling hot hot hot' (8) hahaha.

Ne wayz....food for thought ppl

Is there any logical explanation for sacrificing your happiness and joys just so you lessen the chances of pain?

| Song Playing | - Our Lady Peace - Innocent

~ Morning Blues ~

Good Morning everybody. What a wonderful Tuesday morning it iz! You know what makes it so wonderful? Cuz i am HOME and u are in SCHOOL! Hahahahaha. Aight aight, let me contain myself.

I wake up dis morning and didnt feel like goin to school. I was in pain! However, dat excuse is even more valid NOW cuz meh feet killing meh more dan it was when i wake up. Dis kinda pain, i can find NO pleasure in! :-(

So de plan for 2day will be to finish meh GP essay and meh Econ Essays. How exciting! Daz bout it. I go update dis again as de day progresses. Laterz!

| Song Playing | Staind - It's Been Awhile

~ Sand Man zzzz ~

Way dreadz ppl. What a day! I went to sleep real late last night (2am) and catch meh royal to wake up dis mornning. In de car goin to school i coulda barely open meh eyes. So i reach late as usual...and only had 2 classes in my 8 period day. It was a total waste academically....but i sure did get lots of time to catch up con mis amigas.

We had live entertainment all day cuz of some kinda carnival ting on de promanade. (de word 'entertainment' is questionalble)

I real eat plenty ting today! So by de evening period, i was full and contented and ready for a long nap. Sadly it was then i had de 2nd class (lit) in which i LITERALLY fell asleep! Dat was heavenly! After class i headed to lessons, where i almoste fell alseep again. Come on ppl, tell me it waznt just me! There was something in the AIR making me just wanna nod off! No fault of my own *gulp*

Aight...something else i hadda say....ah yes. QUESTION: Is the Trini accent to hard to understand? Should i revert to the proper english in which, in literature class i am a master of? Tell meh wha alya tink nah! Cuz ya see, my mother dearest 'disapproves' of my 'degrading' portrayal of english on dis site nah. :S So comment on dis one! Goodie :-)

btw...De time i take to make and post dis entry 7 songs played! But dont worry i wont name all!

| Song Playing | Chris Isaak - Wicked Game

~ Focus ~

Its Sunday everyone! Tomorrow is school! :( Darn. Yesterday i went to de pool, 1st time for de yr. Froze half to death cuz de place was soo cold! But it was a good workout i guess.

I have real work to do ppl and i just plain and simple "Slacking off!" Thats is soooo not good. I need to get back dat discipline to focus on meh academics yes. Ne suggestions? Actually i know wha i have to do ...

Oh well, what else? I donno....... Food for thought

"Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when
they are right beside you and yet you can never have them...when the
moment you can't feel them under your fingertips you miss them? "

| Song Playing | Seether - Fine Again

~ Finally ~

Aight. So I've been told I NEED to update! Odd you should say that Favi cuz i know ppl gonna start saying "TMI" ie Too Much Information. Which brings me to anodda pt. ... I really cya reveal all my thoughts here considering in additon to thinking bout ideas and things, i think bout PPL as well...and dem ppl gonna have access to this blog and well ya know...sometimes thoughts are better left UNKNOWN to de odda.

Ne ways. Its been a week since ive update and indeed lots have happened...nothing too significant. Just de usual academic and personal dramas. Maybe i should take dis chance to 'hail out meh peeps' hahahaa. Diana dearest (who doesnt have de net), Favi, Rin, Marc (alya check out his Crazyinsane thoughts to ok), de pres crew (u know urselves) and well ofcourse meh FAMILY! Okie Dokie...ppl dont forget to comment. Bye

| Song Playing | Vervepipe - The Freshmen

~ Newbee ~

Heyyy. Wow...I'm soppose to type something here, so daz wha i doin. I still in de "get over de shock" phrase of having dis ting eh, so forgive de lack of sense in wha i saying here. I hope de trini accent aint to hard to comprende! :) Ok...well...we go see how dis turn out. Ofcourse incase ya dont know as yet...all dis iz through de genius work of Marc...THANKS A LOT Love! laterzzz