That it's me

My goodness... it's as though I was holding my breath this entire time. Is that what I'm doing? Just waiting without letting it be known, for something sooo simple, yet so powerful in it's effect on me?

I spend so much time and emotional energy not giving in and the instant that I do, it changes me. Like a guilty pleasure. I beat myself up constantly in the lead up but as soon as the decision is made, I realize that I keep doing this for me... and it somehow feels incomplete and I would never acknowledge to myself why... But it's because I keep waiting for it... for the little things that I felt so much and loved so dearly... the little things that mean everything.

Where has my heart gone? Trapped in the eyes of a stranger. oh I... I want to go back to go back to, believing in everything (and knowing nothing at all)