Impetus

So... I may need continuity...need a drive, a reason, a season, a mindset, help, reassurance, momentum!!! and in it all...

"Let our powers combine! Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart! By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet! GO PLANET! " :D yay!!!!

Ok ok, maybe not, BUT, with these factors combined I have my Impetus... & I'll keep riding this wave towards the shore of success. It won't be easy of course...but I can see where I'm going & I want to get there.

What do you think? ... I revisit

The human mind is most amazing considering the ease to which our own fundamental views and values can be twisted, blurred and downright manipulated to validate the decision of any passing action or thought, that upon reflection, gets swept away with yet another passing moment in time... never consciously noted but almost always that sort after instigator for future trials and burdens.

We often stop and wonder... regret. Yet we never indulge any form of masochism to face the truth ... and that is, we have been, still are and always will be the the most active player in any game we find ourselves in...rather, any game we design and build around us.

The great dual burden of emotions and high intelligence was singular to humankind, and it was what made life so hard; you were always thinking about what you were feeling instead of just going with the moment, or you were always trying to feel what you think you should feel in a given situation. Thoughts and judgment were inevitable colored by emotions - some of them on a subconscious level, so you didn't even entirely understand why you made certain decisions, acted in certain ways. Emotions clouded your thinking; but thinking to hard of your feelings took the edge off them"

Dean Koontz. - Midnight - pg 193

1:42am

1:42am

I have an exam in a few hours & I somehow chose to rise from my deep sleep, drift downstairs & sit in the dark cold kitchen. I don't like how I'm feeling tonight...

1:44am

Maybe I'll have me some cake

Sweet Honestly

If a comment falls on deaf ears
clogged & cleared from all those years
It was because I found what I feared I would
when I sank in disbelief that I actually could
I smile with no reservations now you see
and this in itself brings sadness to me
'cuz I wonder & hope that one day we'll be there
and it's this very expectation that brings me fear
I will say nothing more, for now at least
for the smile on my face refuse to cease
*sigh* :)

I am becoming my own library

Here are some new books I bought during Summer Vacation this year:

• I never promised you a rose garden - Joanne Greenberg
• Mr. Murder - Dean Koontz
• Frankenstein Bk1 The Prodigal Son - Dean Koontz
• Frankenstein Bk2 City of Night - Dean Koontz
• She's come undone - Wally Lamb
• Deception Point - Dan Brown
• Lasher - Anne Rice (Mayfair Witch series)
  
• Taltos - Anne Rice (Mayfair Witch series)
• The Witching Hour - Anne Rice (Mayfair Witch series)
• The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
• Memoirs of a Geisha - Author Golden
• The curious incident of the dog in the nighttime - Mark Haddon
• Forever Odd - Dean Koontz
  
• The Husband - Dean Koontz
• Freakonomics, A rougue economist explores the hidden side of everything - Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
• The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty - A. N. Roquelaure Anne Rice

Plus these three I bought earlier today:

Would you eat your unborn?

Lemme start by saying that there's a slight possibility you may find the following a bit disturbing... I know I sure did.

As I lay on bed last night, trying my best to fall asleep, the most absurd string of thoughts came into my mind.

'Hams or Egg's' - According the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy. You can either be the Ham or the Egg, the Pig or the Chicken.

The Egg is layed by a chicken...the egg is indeed a chicken waiting to be born. And we, human beings, take those eggs that a chicken laboured to produce, we take those babies, crack open their shell and EAT THEM! We actually eat the offspring of another animal...just like that! When I thought about, I couldn't help but turn the senario around. What would it be like if some creature out there was to extract the womb of a pregnant woman, tear it open and eat everything inside. Throw in the featus, amniotic fluid and ofcourse the placenta, into a pot with onions, salt and blackpepper, flip it over to make sure it's cooked on both sides and offer it up on a plate to be eaten. It's simple evoloution for you to see. In seeing that image in your mind, how can someone actually eat eggs?

Sigh...I donno. The strangest things come to my mind around 3am when I can't sleep

Rainbows & Good Mornings

Today... I saw the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen in my entire life!!! A huge complete perfect arch of ROYGBIV. I was going up the highway around 7am in the drizzling rain and it was as if time stopped and everything seemed inconsequential to the marvel and beauty of something so amazing. But here's the icing on the cake! It wasn't just one rainbow...but two rainbows...one above the other! Absoloutly stunning! I don't think I'll ever see something like that again.

I made personal history today when I reached to school so early that it wasn't even open! We had to wait for the dude to open the gate to drive in, then the other gate to walk in. I was one of 2 students to be in school @ that hour - 7:30am. I was the only person in the whole office as well... sitting there in the still darkness lol. What a day!

I don't wanna say too much, but you have no idea how amazing it felt to look up the stairs and see what I saw. *sigh* :)

Now I just want to find my bed and curl up with a pillow :)