I find solitide and happiness in this paeanistic realization.
The eschewal of what should be has begun and shall continue - I no longer desire to undertake, indulge or accept the perniciousness which defined my life - and I extend that desire to that which is beyond my own as well.
This all begun as a desperate search for alubrious undertakings, actions and thoughts. I needed to ameliorate all that I could with respect to my health. I don't what pain anymore. I don't want to suffer. I don't need to accept that in any way I deserved this. I, in fact, realized... something I can't put in words right now...
I wanted so badly to try to explain and share with you and others what I feel - that divine touch - what I see and how much it makes sense... But the greater the importance the harder it is to express. I can only say to you that it didn't come easy. This new outlook so to say... it took the most painful, life shaking, desperate event to finally make it all click. I was totally defeated and fell at the mercy of God. Begging in a way I never did before... Needing him in a way I never admited to before. And amazingly enough, it wasn't instigated by an emotional breakdown - but by the most real raw physical pain known to my human body. How ironic can it be that the indulger of machocisim would need the actual pain to ... born again?
I am thankful now and I don't fall discouraged by my inability to express myself. This is truely something of an ineffable nature.
Outside of myself - a war of words is apparant. Tension, anger, dissapointment and the whole lot of negativity is just radiating, unfortunatly so, from those who previously marked my associations. Misery likes company. And in saying so, I bid leave all that was mentioned and all that will be incipiently created - Outside of myself. I ardently refuse to be willingly or unwillingly drawn into this whirlpool of negativity. I do however extend good will and best of wishes. No hard feelings. And I mean that. I'm always here.
Go With God. Love yourself.
Dad - Happy Birthday! I love you.
To my Southern Clique - dearest friends - that which you've refered to stands true despite our circumstances. You are and always will be near and dear @ heart.
I am truely thankful.
The eschewal of what should be has begun and shall continue - I no longer desire to undertake, indulge or accept the perniciousness which defined my life - and I extend that desire to that which is beyond my own as well.
This all begun as a desperate search for alubrious undertakings, actions and thoughts. I needed to ameliorate all that I could with respect to my health. I don't what pain anymore. I don't want to suffer. I don't need to accept that in any way I deserved this. I, in fact, realized... something I can't put in words right now...
I wanted so badly to try to explain and share with you and others what I feel - that divine touch - what I see and how much it makes sense... But the greater the importance the harder it is to express. I can only say to you that it didn't come easy. This new outlook so to say... it took the most painful, life shaking, desperate event to finally make it all click. I was totally defeated and fell at the mercy of God. Begging in a way I never did before... Needing him in a way I never admited to before. And amazingly enough, it wasn't instigated by an emotional breakdown - but by the most real raw physical pain known to my human body. How ironic can it be that the indulger of machocisim would need the actual pain to ... born again?
I am thankful now and I don't fall discouraged by my inability to express myself. This is truely something of an ineffable nature.
Outside of myself - a war of words is apparant. Tension, anger, dissapointment and the whole lot of negativity is just radiating, unfortunatly so, from those who previously marked my associations. Misery likes company. And in saying so, I bid leave all that was mentioned and all that will be incipiently created - Outside of myself. I ardently refuse to be willingly or unwillingly drawn into this whirlpool of negativity. I do however extend good will and best of wishes. No hard feelings. And I mean that. I'm always here.
Go With God. Love yourself.
Dad - Happy Birthday! I love you.
To my Southern Clique - dearest friends - that which you've refered to stands true despite our circumstances. You are and always will be near and dear @ heart.
I am truely thankful.
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