Tryst with Happiness

Today I woke up, made myself a sandwich, took a nice long hot shower, changed and walked out to the football field in the 1pm sun and sat on a bench for about 45mins, just taking in the sun and breeze and nature :) My b/f met me there and we came back to my apartment where we chilled, laughed, talked, horse around, laughed some more and just downright enjoyed a lovely relaxing evening together. Then a friend called, picked us up and we all went for doubles! Ended the night with a burning bang! heheh. So today was a beautiful day - a tryst with happiness in between all the stress and drama of Final Exams etc.

I'm a Major Microblogger

The posting of very short entries or updates on a blog or social networking site, typically via a cell phone.

Running out of time

I'm so frustrated right now. I feel like I'm just stuck! I don't know what to do >.< I can't seem to chose a topic for essay 1 in Social Psychology. I spent an hour reading one topic, then realized I just don't want to do it anymore. I hate this. I'm supposed to have 2 to 3 topics prepared per essay section, and I can't even pick one!
Now I'm reviewing things I've already learned for midterms and I feel like I can't remember anything anymore. My brain doesn't want to learn or something. Then there's Statistics - I'm entirely screwed for this exam. I don't know how to handle my time right now. I think I'm panicking.

This song... is sex

Bring your love baby I could bring my shame
Bring the drugs baby I could bring my pain
I got my heart right here
I got my scars right here

Rain, rain

When crying meets rain meets kiss

It sort of looks like this

Hopefully I won't hurt anyone

It's rather weird, but randomly I sometimes think these words 

KILL | DIE | STAB | SCREAM

and there's this intense violent urge scratching under the surface of my skin

After the tears, the reasons for the fears

I never realized till now how terrifying it is to realize that someone has had all of you...

That level of trust I thought was beyond me

This is a tricky place to be

So I will be scared, I will cry and I will trust

Love does that

The beauty of Literature

Stiff?

A few minutes into one of my classes today, my lecturer suddenly looked in my direction and asked "You have a stiff neck?" ... I said "Who, me?" ... she said "yeah"... I said "Yeah kinda"... *pause*... "You can see it?" ... She said "Yeah" ....... Then we continued on our discussion about how childhood disorders differ from those of different ages.

My discussion ended there for awhile though, least in my head... I couldn't help but wonder how noticeable my symptoms are becoming; if it was something more pronounced lately because of the stress of upcoming exams, or was it because she was just observant and happened to be at just the right angle such that I had to twist my body to see her, or if this is how it's always been and  I just got so accustomed to it, as much as those closest to me such that these disabilities have become part of who I am.

So yeah, I cannot:

• Turn my head much
• Make a fist
• Drop my shoulders
• Reach my hands behind my back
• Fold my legs
• Walk fast

As much as I would like to think that I've forgotten these things, adjusting and functioning in a seemingly normal way requires effort and thus, cognition. 

Best I stay in my room

I'm really, really unhappy about my weight - body image - right now
Constantly my mind jumps to these thoughts of dissatisfaction, disgust, self consciousness, sadness... I hate how I look and how it makes me feel. I really, really do! 

I'm quite loving this

like pulling teeth.. from iamachoncord on 8tracks.

Fat - I defriend you

I really hate being this fat. I haven't been this uncomfortable in my own skin (for weight reasons), in years!!! I feel terrible

Since mom died...

I just signed into my email, saw 2 mails and immediately deleted them. For the last 10years of my life, this was something I would never have done. It was my horoscope.
Since my mom died, I stopped reading my horoscope - I felt lied to and cheated by it since they still send her her horoscope ... but she's not even alive!
Since mom died, I've stopped going to Satsangh. I haven't gone to a rock show, concert or any big lime. I find it really difficult and thus fail miserably at keeping in touch with most of the people in my life.
Since mom died, it feels like the house itself is slowly dying... like the life force of 'home' is no longer here. I feel like I have to use up all the products or throw them away since they are rapidly approaching their own demise.
Since mom died, I've been eating without being hungry. I eat as though I have no idea where my next meal is coming from; and half the times, I don't.