Friday, June 10, 2005

Dare I say?

I still remember
The world from the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Are clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I’m so tired of constantly being afraid. ‘afraid of what?’ one may ask, and the sad thing is, I’m scared even to say here what I’m afraid of. Apprehensive, hesitant, disquieted, wary…it’s becoming a task, and a stressful one at it, to do what previously would have been a joy… natural, free flowing, spirited… The imperative word that drops the hint is none other but ‘here’. I can span this theme of fear into many other scenes and scenarios – It proves relative all around. Why is this?

In Blake’s ‘Songs of Innocence and of Experience’, he started a revolutionary eye opener of the pure essence of change … from that of a child into an adult … the seemingly ‘natural’ and inevitable degeneration, digression, the sad fall from purity and innocence to the greater accepted tainted and cynical views of the experienced life. Now right before my eyes, I watch myself slip… and God alone knows how hard it is to not become or remain bitter, angry, ridden with anguish and remorse…sad. It’s a taste of another’s bread of life…and the poison of mine. It’s so easy to pick them out… ‘cuz it aint no rose colored glass my dear… it’s shattered and filthy and distorts even the best of persons, feelings and intentions…and the purest of them all as well. In the eyes of such… I swallow my words, blink back my tears…and bow my head in fear. Why is this?

Don’t play the victim in this game…don’t scream those words at me… because once you harbor on an external instigator, then you’re only the victim of yourself!

Release …

9 comments:

Tunks said...

Natalie Merchant - Break Your Heart

Oh people downcast in despair
See the disillusion everywhere
Hoping that their luck will change
It's a little harder every day
People struggle people fight
For the simple pleasures in their lives
The trouble comes from everywhere
It's a little more than you can bear
I know it will be hurt
I know it will break your heart the way things are
And the way they've been
And the way they've always been
People shallow self absorbed
See the push and shove for their rewards
With nothing nice on their minds
You can read about it in their eyes
People ruthless, people cruel
The damage that some people do
Full of hatred, full of pride
It's enough to make you lose your mind
I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart the way things are
And the way they've been
Yeah I know that it will hurt
I know it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are and the way they've been
Don't spread discontent, don't spread the lies
Don't make the same mistakes with your own life
You know it will always come back
Yeah, I know that it will hurt
I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are and the way they've been
Don't spread discontent, don't spread the lies
Don't make the same mistakes with your own life
And don't disrespect yourself, don't lose your pride
And don't think everybody is gonna chose your side
Oh no... Oh no... no..

Caribbean Dream said...

Sigh...I totally relate babe..we have to face the real world filled with so many tainted realities of people and situations...when we were younger and even now to an extent, we viewed the world as being pure, kind, and good. Yet one day we are suddenly awakened to realise that the world isnt as safe and secure as we thought it would be. I remember you once telling me that our speech is that of innocence and unwittnedness, but people take those very words we say and twist them into their own meanings, thus contaminating our pure and genunie characters.
It's as though we can never fully say what's truly on our minds for fear of being criticized or ridiculed. I hate that feeling. But don't you worry babe, our lives here on earth is nothing but temporary, and those who persecute and ridicule has yet to grow and mature, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. That's why we should always stick to the people who are positive influences in our lives. Eliminate negitivity.

PS>> I loved this entry, it was very well written and thought out babe. :)

Anonymous said...

a a
somethin i could relate too

yea yea

aka_lol said...

Life always does what it wants to us. I don’t think most of the time we are singled out for special attention either good or bad, it just happens. There are times where we can either make or break and those are the times where everything starts to either make sense or it falls apart even more. That is the part that’s up to us. Everything we have done and learnt before comes into play at those moments. It is almost as if we spend all our lives preparing for these moments. Sometimes I think life is just a game and all we can do is give it our best shot. Once we do that we will understand the game and that's all we can do.

Anonymous said...

you couldn't have choosen better lyrics for this entry.

Anonymous said...

Is just me, or that anonymous guy sounding like a Literature teacher? :S
But anyways, nice entry Tunks. Every time I read whet you write on this thing it does set me to thinking. It does take my mind off other things. Believe it or not, your blog is an escape for more people than just you, and I can say for certain that I am one of the ones who escape through the doorway of your thoughts into the Elysia that lies beyond.

Tunks said...

I'm @ a lost for words to comment on your comments... so I'll just say 'THANKS' everyone...for your input.

Anonymous said...

y your next post taking so long

Tunks said...

^^
Ye shall wait no more :p