My tummy is growling. Its exactly midday, and my food will be on its way soon. yay. The human body is an amazing thing, and in saying so, I cannot ignore the body-mind connection. My stomach is empty, my belly growls, and I know I'm hungry. Imagine a world were you had no idea when your body needed nourishment again. There's no sensation to tell you that you are hungry and must eat. Maybe in the eyes of an anorexic, this is already their reality, but think about it.
I remembered reading in one of my first Biology books that a person feels pain as a result of the body trying to tell us that something is wrong. Later on in life, I heard of a disease called Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis (CIPA)- which in short means the person cannot feel pain. There are only about 100 persons in the world who suffer from CIPA - an ultra rare disease, which deprives an individual of such an important natural protection as pain. Therefore, it is known that those people, who do not feel any pain at all, usually die before they turn 25. That’s a really scary thought.
So I checked the dictionary for the meaning of that all too common word: Pain - 'An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder.' I know I know pain. My body sensitivity is higher than average yet I can handle serious pain. Maybe its because I grew up actually liking experimenting with the various types and degrees of pain...experiencing each sensation and testing my self control. Some may find that odd or disturbing...but the villain in Dean Koont'z 'Intensity' sure didn't. Then again, you've got to read the book to understand.
Now, in the midst of all pain that I'm experiencing, I've passed that thin line between pleasure and pain and felt myself falling into that abyss of pure bliss. Its a moment when pain is so intense, so sharp, and so sudden that just for a few seconds - you feel nothing. The world gets dim...like the process of a light bulb being switched off, in slow motion...and then it gets blurry, like tears screening your sight. And just for that moment, your head goes light and your body just 'is'. As I engulf myself in the darkness, I can't help but smile. Its a beautiful experience. (aka, black out)
Then in other moments of desperation, my mind wanders back to High school Biology and my rationalization turns dangerously black and white: The body creates pain when its trying to tell me that something's wrong (check) I feel the pain so I know that something's wrong (check)... why then, now that I know, doesn't the pain go away? - If only things were so easy.
11 comments:
Pain is an unusual thing.. and i'm sure i have plenty more to say about it than what I will in just a moment, but for now i'll only touch on the one paragraph: You said that perhaps it is a reality to the anorexic to no longer percept certain pain as hunger. I find this to be quite true. I myself have be in the throes of anorexia and generally disordered eating, and I can vouch for that statement you made. There have been points at which I'm not sure anymore if i"m hungry or just want to taste food, which brings me to question when other people think of themselves as "hungry" and what does that feel like. When i pass all those points of hunger pains, until finally my stomach stops begging, and i have not yet eaten.. i wonder how will i ever know now if i need food, if i can't feel that sensation of hunger right now, after not having eaten, knowing i should of. Sorry.. that got to be rambling and probably difficult to understand.. and long. :P.. anyway, i enjoyed the post.
Not rambling @ all :) .. you makin some serious sense there. I remember always trying to explain to my mom while growing up, the difference bet. 'my tummy's hungry' or 'my mouth's hnugry'. Sometimes even if my stomach is growling and begging for food, I just don't feel to eat. And when the sensation passes, I can easily go tro a day without eating...and not minding it at all.
Thanks for the comment - And i totally enjoy ur blog as well :)
u got me thinking so much i cant comment properly. pain.
sigh :( that is 2 things ah need to come over there and fix yuh wid.
nothing lasts forever, how long do you have to be in the air before it is considered flying, knowing that sometime you will touch the ground again
Tunks - that reminds me of people saying "i'm starving." I've always hated that. They're not starving.. that has always perturbed me :P
The point when pain becomes pleasurable is similar to runners high. I have experienced this feeling many times over and as, the runners magazines say, it’s addictive. The problem with runners high is that though the mind is signing and dancing in a perpetual blitz, the body is physically falling apart. They are mutually exclusive it seems with the mind crazy in love and the body ready to be returned to the manufacturer. We are all addicted to many little things like which shoe we put on first, the side of the classroom we sit on, hug a girl on her right or her left. Eat the chicken before the fries or the other way around. These things add up and eventually they are called an obsessive compulsive disorder. I would suggest as soon as a disorder is identified it must be quelled immediately. Surely I am addicted to waking up at 5:00 am and then look for the sun to rise. I don’t think this disorder is fatal less the wind-chill factor puts my body in cold storage. Maybe we are not addicted to the end result of the act but to the act themselves. True exhaustion can bring peace but what you became exhausted over now seems irrelevant. We have to be careful because the pain can distract the mind away from the mind’s priorities. I would say jump for bliss but jump back into reality even more.
haha ah yes benko - i'll b waiting.
"nothing lasts forever, how long do you have to be in the air before it is considered flying, knowing that sometime you will touch the ground again"
^^
Reminds me of Brans experience in 'a game of thrones' - it really does.
Cuke - I've always put a twist to that word starving and say 'starvating' instead - I have a feeling that might perturbe u more :p
obsessive compulsive disorder - this can be an entirely new blog entry for u aka. try it.
I know for sure i got a few obsessive compulsive disorders.... most noticable will be wanting/needing to wash my hands.
This habitual rountine is the begin of every man's 'chicken dance' - the subconscious's version of superstition that once even A is done - event B will always be the desired outcome.
I am beginning to feel my obsessive compulsive disorder is commenting on blogs and not making too much sense :)
Pain is hardly ever the fault of the one in pain and generally I think life is a series of unfair events. Once we get over the initial concept that life is unfair it becomes even more unfair. Our deck seems riddled with jokers and our dealer crooked to the bone. But we are better than the hands we are dealt and pull out an ace or two neatly hidden under our sleeves. Is that unfair? Is that cheating? I am tempted to say the rules of life are not based on fair play.
There is a pretty interesting web page about a kid who has CIPA. www.helproberto.com. It shows CIPA in a down to earth sort of way.
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