Finding Freedom In No

From personal experience, I know how hard it is to say 'no' sometimes. I always associated the word 'No' with negativity an selfishness. Actually it was one of the best pieces of advice I recieved awhile ago 'Learn to say no, be good to you, sometimes it's okie to seem a little selfish' ... and that was the hardest thing to do...and I'm guessing it's so for a lot of you out there. I feared saying No and having to disappoint someone, and I still do... but I keep in mind that if I can't look out for and be good to myself first, how can I expect to truly be there for others?

Many of us, from childhood on, are taught that saying yes is right and saying no is wrong. We learn that acceding to demands allows us to avoid conflict and criticism, please people, earn praise, and prove that we care for the important people in our lives. Yet the right to say no is indelibly intertwined with the ability to make choices. When we sense we are limited in our options, compelled to say yes even when doing so is not in our interests, we are effectively robbed of our ability to choose. Growing out of this tendency to say yes even when we desperately want to say no can be challenging because we suspect that others will reject us for our assertiveness. But the reward we receive upon facing this challenge is true freedom of choice.

When others ask you to take on work or do favors, consider their requests carefully. If you feel pressed to say yes, consider whether you are acquiescing out of a desire for approval or to stave off disapproval. Remind yourself often that the ability to say no is an important aspect of well-being, as it is an indication that you understand the true value of your energy, talents, and time. As you learn to articulate your personal power by saying no, you may feel compelled to explore the myriad consequences of the word by responding negatively to many or most of the requests put to you. The word “no” may even become your default response for some time. When you see that life moves forward without interruption, however, you will grow more comfortable saying no and will resume making decisions from a point of balance.

There is nothing inherently wrong with acceding to the requests others make of you, provided these requests do not infringe upon your health or your happiness. Keep in mind that it is only when you feel you have the legitimate right to say no that you can say yes with utmost certainty, sincerity, and enthusiasm. While saying yes almost always has a cost, you can feel good about offering your agreement when your reasons for doing so are rooted in your individual values and your appreciation for the appeal before you.

Now re-read this last paragraph...

Sometimes, forgivness is right where we fell...

There are no other words to better describe what happened other than quoting myself (again):

The human mind is most amazing considering the ease to which our own fundamental views and values can be twisted, blurred and downright manipulated to validate the decision of any passing action or thought, that upon reflection, gets swept away with yet another passing moment in time... never consciously noted but almost always that sort after instigator for future trials and burdens.

This one has been consciously noted! I watched it all play out like a movie before my eyes, while they glazed over with tears feeling helplessly hopeless.

I can only be grateful in knowing that its the trials and mistakes that reflect our true strengths, bonds and beliefs. The apologies are still seeping out, but my heart is at rest. No use in actively regretting... just in being cautious in future decisions. We are all giving eachother another chance...and so is friendship. So is love. So is family.

1 month can be undone in an hour

Here are 2 entries I made in my journal 1 month apart

03/11/06

I am used goods and brand new. I am damaged and healed. I am an old soldier but new to this game. No more guns...just arrows.

I am bursting with excitment and shuddering with fear. I am the seasoned dominator but will easily succumb. No more lies...just caution.


03/12/06

It is no longer a game, but a dance. A beautiful flow going backward and foward, side to side, yet still moving ahead towards an unspoken, feared but desierable outcome.

How long will sweet silence suffice? I want to surrender and I want to fight... but most of all, I want to keep on dancing.

School is in full swing. At this very moment I opt to write here than settle on a subject to review. I really should break out of this procrastinatng habit. But sometimes, I just feel so tired....The wheels have been set in motion & the destination focused on...not just here, but above as well, so I can't stop now...I don't want to.

I have handed over the reins and stepped onto the track...now I must keep on moving.

Mapping The Inner Journey

Journaling As Meditation

Of the countless forms of meditation we can use, journaling offers its own unique benefits. Most meditations help empty the mind of concerns and bring positive ideas from our mental landscape, but journaling helps us anchor that experience in the material world. Not every person is attracted to meditating in seated silence, and journal meditation is a nice alternative as an active meditation. It allows us to trace our journey and see where we have grown and what lessons we may be repeating. By employing a different part of the brain than creative or inspired thought, writing or typing a journal can create a greater sense of connection and union with our physical selves and the world around us.

In working through challenges, it can be helpful to first empty all worries from our heads onto the safe pages of our journal. Fears can be brought to light rather than allowing them to haunt the dark corners of our subconscious. We may even feel heaviness dissipate once our heads are free from clutter, leaving space for inspiration and the creation of positive images in their place. Often in the process of writing out all the details of an event that troubles us, something that had been forgotten will come to the surface, providing a missing piece of the puzzle. Then we can truly begin to come up with answers, and write them down beside the worries to map the way from concern to constructive thought.

For capturing guidance and flashes of inspiration, journaling is ideal. This is especially true in the case of dreams, which often fade as we awaken. While working toward goals, keeping track of progress as well as guidance from readings or divination tools can be encouraging. Though it can be difficult to keep all of our guidance in the front of our minds, if we write it down it can serve as a reminder whenever we need it. We can also use our journals to converse with our higher selves or even the universe. Journaling offers yet another way to unburden mind and spirit, while also creating a record of the present and preserving our hopes and dreams for the future.

Daily Om Article: November 22, 2006


Keeping A Diary With Purpose

A diary can play many roles. It can be a confidant, a vehicle of self expression, a tool that facilitates clarity of thought, or a repository of dreams. A diary can also be a powerful source of comfort during challenging or traumatic periods. When you record those insights and incidents that clearly demonstrate you are on the right track, you can return to your words days, weeks, or months later and find uniquely soothing reassurance. A diary with a specific purpose can be a good tool for keeping track of experiences before the passage of time can skew your perception of events. It reflects the immediacy of your life and thus provides you with a landmark to return to when you begin to doubt yourself. If doubt does arise, simply open your diary to reaffirm your experiences. The confidence, surety, passion, and bravery you felt in a single moment is preserved, giving you a means to recapture those feelings in any place, at any time.

Your diary serves as a repository of personalized encouragement. Since a diary is, by its very nature, as individual as you are, you should give some thought to the type of diary that will serve you best. A synchronicity-and-connections diary might describe those instances where seemingly random occurrences came together in a meaningful way, propelling you forward. Or you may find strength in the pages of a pride diary that makes note not only of those times you felt proud of yourself but also precisely why you were pleased with your efforts. And a cause-and-effect diary can help you become more decisive by reminding you of all the wise, life-affirming choices you have made. Your diary should be small enough to be readily portable and on hand whenever possible because the faster you put your thoughts down on paper, the more authentic your declarations are apt to be.

Regardless of the type of focused diary you choose to keep, your recollections will create a positive feedback loop that helps you cope with doubt in a constructive way. Reading through your diary when life seems uncertain can show you that your misgivings are unfounded. As you draw consolation from your uplifting words, you will know without a doubt that you are indeed living your purpose and following the path that you committed to before birth.

Daily Om Article: November 15, 2006

All in 1 hour

I just came home from a Focus Group I was involved in for the CNMG (Caribbean News Media Group). It was actually a focus group on behalf of the CNMG, carried out by an Advertising and Market Research company. It was short and sweet and pretty much an example of what I want to do in the future regarding my carrer...@ least a stepping stone. Interesting huh? I really appreciated getting the opportunity to participate.

Here are some things I learnt:

• I don't listen to a huge range of radio stations (cept 95.1, 93.5 & 97.1)
• I don't have any concept of favorite brands of clothing (@ least not for myself, I can quicker pick up my fav. clothes on guys :p)
• I really do have a more extensive articulate vocabulary than I thought I did
• I really am 'more thought, less talk' when I'm not yet comfortable with ppl
• The non Bsc. program students are... hmmm... 'young'? Despite similar ages. Today reminded me of being back in a High School (cept it'll be co'ed)
• School feels incomplete without 'the gang'
• A lot of ppl don't know what 'blogging' means
• Working for a Marketing & Research agency really needs objectivity & fast writing skills & remembering names :p
  

Isn't it sweet to just give a factual/opinionated day to day account kinda blog? No strange deep thoughts ae!