Rain on silence

Its a bit chilly and its raining. I went to bed around 3:30am and it was raining and I wake up 7 hours later and its still raining. It's a near constant drizzle. There's no one home but myself, a fish and my doggie 'ginger'. Even the workmen working on the 'house to be' next door didn't show up today. Living in a residential area such as this one really teaches me the meaning of silence... it also makes having fairly decent speakers and a subwoffer a nice addition; I get a constant foot massage with that bass.

Since I've somehow gotten me Gastro, I haven't eaten since Sunday yet i'm still not hungry. It's amzing how filling crix, coke and coconut water can be. I think I can handle me some clear soup this evening. Hmmm... just the thought of a nice bowl of hot soup is almost making me hungry, but my mouth just feels numb and tired. My stomach will tell another story too.

The rain is pouring now. I'm looking out the door and I'm not sure if the leaves are still enjoying the shower or if they're crying. I know I won't want to be out in the rain for all these hours.

Why Mr. Lizard?

I walked into my bathroom a few days ago, and out of the corner of my eye I saw sudden movement. There on the wall, a lizard was dashing across in sheer panic and when it reached the 90 degree joint between that wall and the next, the lizard literally leapt off the wall and flew to the next side. Just as quickly, he scrambled out of the nearest window: all this in about 3 seconds. I just stood there watching the memory of what had just happened in my mind, and I couldn't help but wonder why is it the lizard got so scared. Did he have a bad experience with another human before? Or was it just instinct to get far far away from anything that's higher up the food chain? I don't know. I felt sorry for him. I hope he didn't damage himself in all the haste. I was ashamed to think he was afraid of me. Then I kind of felt sorry for myself too, because it was then I realized that I wished he would stay...so I can stare at him...maybe we could have become friends. Oh well...

I'm snuggled in the middle

I really should do something about blogger's procrastination. Not a day has gone by since my last post, where I haven't thought about my next entry. I've jotted down ideas, opening statements, themes and even written entire stories...all in my head. Its pretty sad and funny at the same time.

How has the year been so far for you? For some it may have meant new beginnings, broken habits, resurrected hopes and of course the many of you who sees this as yet another year of more stress at work, school or home. But hey, who are we to judge? Bills got to be paid, exams written and relationships tended to. Its the beat of the life we all know and love.

It dawned on me, that these past couple weeks have been defined by one word. A word which I've very rarely used in my vocabulary with respect to anything that has to do with my life. A word that is subtly needed or desired by most, even myself, yet I've done nothing actively to achieve the results. This new word, this new experience my friends...I call Balance! I woke up one morning to realize that for once in my life, I'm balancing perfectly in the center of my own spectrum. No more epitomizing lengths and intensities. No more drastic patterns, fluctuating or volatile. I'm just enjoying a delicate balance between quiet, peaceful, personal time and meeting, greeting and entertaining visiting friends and family. A balance between watching too much TV and reading too many books. A balance between my thoughts sprinting down a healthy or spiritual path, and wading in the gutters of alluring vices and fantasies. Even my sleep pattern is just right. I was never one to boast a balance or acquiesce to normality. I enjoyed walking the fine line and testing my limits. My life has always been categorized by intense yet clashing patterns. But I am liking this....or really appreciating it. It's not going to last, I know, and maybe I'll mourn the shift in equilibrium or not... but for now I'm going with the flow and for once it's a flow that I've created.

Another beautiful experience in the book of Tunks :)

The Beginning: Words Unspoken

I am starting the archives of 2006, by doing something long overdue. Here before you are the words that started it all. My blog title 'Words Unspoken' is actually that of a poem I wrote 5 years ago. The collection is called 'Words Unspoken: Memories of a lifetime'. Original and unedited ...

WORDS UNSPOKEN

Dawn,
Once again I watch as the sun creeps over the horizon
Showering the earth with it's life
Overcome with that familiar feeling, I sigh.
It stretches its hands to embrace all
Yet, I resent its pretence

Love,
Yet another realization...
I can't erase, can't forget
I feel the hands of despair grip tightly
How will I ever break free?
Yet without you I have no existence
You are the air I breathe,
The blood that circulates throughout me.

Broken,
Hard and fast I fall,
Back into reality's cold and barren embrace.
The tear is hot and with one quick swoop
It falls...
Searing the skin beneath that only guided its way.
I wonder why.

Hurt,
I can never see what's right
A stolen glance,
Overrated? Never !
Merely taken for granted.
Isn't love supposed to hurt?

Never,
The unspoken words,
mutual understanding ,
I can't understand
Appreciation is the key
The present only
the rest,
A mere memory.

Life,
And so, this thing we call life,
continues on...
An endless, uphill battle
Just what are we fighting for?
We reach the top
To fall down the other side
Yet we stand

Words,
Two lives merged, heart and soul
Torn apart by sounds and words
The movement of lips
That oh so powerful force,
ruling over, always.

Regret ,
Unavoidable!
They say it helps to evolve.
But denial can't fall
Memories, the secrets held close in the night,
come to life,
Sprung on me with undying force.

Call,
I call out to you ,
Only to suffocate in disappointment,
The torture of that echo.
The hollow, empty sound of a voice,
A voice that remains unanswered...
A heart left to bleed.

Fight,
I'm alone again
Fighting for the chance to survive;
Fighting for the chance to be heard
Again, this once content being's heart,
Beats alone...

Defeat,
Crippled with grief, I crawl ,
Into the shadows.
The only sound...
The beating of my heart.
It's defeating! Make it stop !
Please, make it stop!

Crushed,
Sadness and frustration
Drowning me with a fierce tug
Pulling me down
beneath the lonely waters.

Hands,
Mystical,
I turn, pulls me free
I breath, I smile
It's been a long time
I cry, just joy
Tears of happiness

Dusk,
Realization overcomes again
The sun leaves me alone
My moment's over
I feel the emotion
I can't pull away

Fall,
Into to the night
Unconscious thoughts
Keeps me alive
Another day to come
Another heart to bleed
A soul to heal
Why?

Yet life goes on