Lately I've found myself wondering something quite strange really and it sort of revolves around the question 'Should I continue living?' It feels almost as if I have a choice in the matter, like I can just switch a knob and turn my life on or off. It brings into question my own mortality lately.
I'm suffering (yes I'm using the word suffering) from a chronic disease for more than half my life and if I stop to take notice, I can't help but wonder how long can the human body survive with all these medication I keep pumping into it day and night, nonstop. For quality of life reasons, I need the meds, but is that at the cost of quantity? I can't tell what would kill me faster; the disease or the medication. But I do know that health wise, it's never going to be easy and could only get worst as my body naturally ages.How much more pain can I bare?
So yes, that brings me back to the question - Should I continue living?
I love life, but what's the point anymore? Even love hurts me. Life hurts.
And then of course, if I continue living, I would have to face the death of all my loved ones around me. I'm still struggling to function after mom's death; maybe I should stop.
But again, I don't exactly have that switch ... that choice
It just doesn't work like that, not really.