True

Classes today

Today, for both my classes, I somehow ended up sitting within close proximity of my tutors and making a lot of contributions to the discussions, even if only with questions and queries. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but in a way I am. I keep wanting to think that I'm shy, maybe I am. I am theorizing a correlation between sitting up in front and the ease of which I can comment and query things in class.
Essentially it comes down to simply this: 
1. I cannot see the people sitting behind me so it's easy to create a bubble where it's just the teacher and myself and block everyone else out, and
2. being within direct visual contact of the tutor, it's also easier for me to speak when they glance at me first during the cursory perusal of the otherwise blank faces - which sometimes include my own.

Things to do tomorrow

1. Wake up on time
2. Eat a burger for breakfast [ended up eating it for dinner]
3. Take medication
4. Shower
5. Change
6. Rest a 5
7. Head to campus for class
8. Pay attention [not really]
9. Collect my order after class
10. Share some of what I buy [I shared 10 of the 12]
11. Have lunch
12. Get a bank statement at the ATM [totally forgot]
13. Stare at it
14. Buy something for dinner [ headed back early because I had a ride]
    
15. Go back to my apartment
16. Take off my clothes
17. Drop on bed
18. Wait
19. Complete all the above without crying 

Update: Didn't head back to my apartment alone, so that was fun :) ... But I couldn't end the night w/o crying - a good few times in fact :(

Another day is not really guaranteed

And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like you'll never see me again

I'm trying...

I don't know what's more painful... loneliness, or trying to get out of it 

The truth is... I just can't stop crying. It hurts too much. I feel so lonely.
Now I'm just living in fear of losing everyone else that I love.
I don't even have a best friend anymore.
I can't stop crying... How many tears can one person have?!

A reason I love him

It's getting heavy

I have loved you forever

I miss reading

1 week ago I was sitting in a 3 hour long lecture, busy taking notes and I don't know what happened but I suddenly started to panic, I was looking around wildly trying to register where I was and what I was doing because in that moment, the thought hit me that Mom was dead. I couldn't tell if that was real or this was real. I kept watching around wondering if I was real and everyone around me was real. That's when the tears started. One week later, I still cannot stop crying. I just woke up crying. I went to sleep crying. I spent my entire of last night sporadically crying. I want to hurt myself to know if I'm real.