Sunday, December 26, 2010

Where am I?

Where the hell am I?
Where do I want to be?
Am I somewhere special? Does this special make me out of the normz scene? Do I wanna be in the normz scene? Does special make me less or more?
Where am I? Does wanting more normz make me less special?
What if I want both?
What if I want the frequency of normz and the exclusivity of special?
What if I cannot get both?
Where am I in all of this?

Friday, December 03, 2010

Believe, in the resolute urgency of now

Omg... I just realized that I just might be insane!

It is said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result... then by golly I've totally lost my mind!! I've lost my mind months now! ..... what have I been doing? The SAME thing, that's what! I'm being serious here... this is not a satirical rant.... it's an actual realization. It's so commonplace, this little saying... but it's only now that it's really hit home.

Think about it! We do the same thing over and over... we keep being 'ourselves'... we stay within our box of comfort and expect things/ppl around us to change. We cross our fingers hoping that 'this time' the circumstances would be different such that the reactions would be different; preferably in our favor. We hope that 'this time' it finally works....

But omg... I need to do something different than what I have been doing. And what have I been doing? Nothing... just waiting. I need to actually do something. I know, I've been told this innumerable times and I would find innumerable excuses to justify why I just can't... but truth is, I can. I am just deathly afraid.

What would you do if you were not afraid? 


Time just goes on, flows, day after day, week after week... and I cannot get that back. Never could. Time doesn't care that you're waiting for it... its what you do in the mean while that makes the difference.

I cannot wake up one day to regret... I won't allow it... I won't be able to live with it.
This love is anything but complacent... why am I muffling it's voice?

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

This heaviness hurts too much.
You're a hollow hole filled with everything I want and layers of disappointment and fear.
I hate that I find myself needing you