Omg... I just realized that I just might be insane!
It is said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result... then by golly I've totally lost my mind!! I've lost my mind months now! ..... what have I been doing? The SAME thing, that's what! I'm being serious here... this is not a satirical rant.... it's an actual realization. It's so commonplace, this little saying... but it's only now that it's really hit home.
Think about it! We do the same thing over and over... we keep being 'ourselves'... we stay within our box of comfort and expect things/ppl around us to change. We cross our fingers hoping that 'this time' the circumstances would be different such that the reactions would be different; preferably in our favor. We hope that 'this time' it finally works....
But omg... I need to do something different than what I have been doing. And what have I been doing? Nothing... just waiting. I need to actually do something. I know, I've been told this innumerable times and I would find innumerable excuses to justify why I just can't... but truth is, I can. I am just deathly afraid.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
Time just goes on, flows, day after day, week after week... and I cannot get that back. Never could. Time doesn't care that you're waiting for it... its what you do in the mean while that makes the difference.
I cannot wake up one day to regret... I won't allow it... I won't be able to live with it.
This love is anything but complacent... why am I muffling it's voice?
8 comments:
At least this is more of a moment of self realisation where you can do something before it's too late. we are all afraid of death, we do not understand it, but we all have to die. In death, no one is alone, you have the company of the past generations and the ones to come.
Be well my dear, I hope only the best for you ^^
I know how you feel...life is so much of the same thing...so much waiting...and for what?
what is really our purpose here?
It's time to break the cycle and LIVE ... you can do it, it's never really too late :)
Thanks DE... I hope it's not too late. Tonight, I did it again... the same thing I always do... why am I so scared?
As for death, I have no qualms or reservations when it comes with dying... just me tho. Loved ones dying is another story. Me dying is fine. But I don't think it's gonna happen anytime soon.
Hi Cini... thanks for checking out my entry... & yeaaaa... I gotta stop waiting. I wanna do/say/have/be something and I keep holding myself back... I can go on living but part of me would not let that rest... cuz that part of me is only waiting when I really should DO something about it. I hate being this scared
Oh I'm really not normally this direct or emo sounding in my replies :p sorry bout that girls!
no probs, u have a cool blog :)...dsi, it's good to let out these feelings and verbalise it , instead of letting it build up and fester inside...as you express yourself , you would be able to figure out what u really want :D
Lols, emos give self expression a bad name :( lols, it's cool. Maybe you have to leave the house and become inspired, :) Do something new, try something else. Who knows? ^^
Thanks Cini.... ah yesss, the age old battle of express vs keeping things inside. I should know better than to think I can successful do the latter...@ least to no harm to myself i.e. Thinking out loud actually does help make sense of things, even if @ the beginning you have no idea what you're saying... towards the end, something always clicks... or starts coming together.
DE... oh lordie, yeaaa I use the term emo way too loosely there, but ya'll catch what I mean :)
& Ya... I do need to leave the house. Hopefully imma do that in about 3 hours! & take in some of the Christmas vibes :) ... the reason behind that entire entry is the reason behind this trip out into the social world, so hopefully I wud do something new indeed... Don't let an opportunity slip pass... most of what I say ends up being in silence.
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