I find myself in conflict when having to answer certain simple everyday questions.
Question: So you like going out? Like the outdoors?
Answer: hmmm (big pause...and so this entry begins)
How do I answer? What do I base my answer on?
Do I love being indoors or do I love being indoors because I have to be?
My mind tries to differentiate between my lifestyle and desires. They're aren't exactly in sync. So I try to remember... I look back to the days when I wasn't ill...or I try to imagine how things will be now if I wasn't... and then my answer changes. I love being outside...I love rolling in the grass and running around and climbing trees and walking aimlessly looking at and observing everything. I love just sitting outside sprawled on the ground with a book or a pad and pencil. I love going for jogs and riding a bicycle around. I love going to meet people and see places. I love the outdoors ... I just don't do any of the above. Not anymore... not as yet...
It seems as if I make the life I have to live, the life I want to live...
My answer ends there, but the desire goes on....
