Something broke

How can I be happy? I'm finding it so hard to be a happy person when inside I feel like screaming and stabbing myself to end the pain of losing you. Death is supposed to be natural, but 1 year later and I still can't let it go... I still can't believe it... I still can't stop feeling like a part of me died with you. I'm filled with so much loneliness, fear and anger. It scares me

There's more to a kiss and everything in death

... and sometimes there's that terrifying moment where though I know I want more, I wonder if it would ever be enough. Maybe it's a void I'm trying to fill that just never can be, because what was yanked out of me cannot be replaced - ever. But what makes this more frightening is that maybe there is more, just not from where I want it