Maybe I won't stop till I get it right

My mom asked me today if I was going insane...

Tonight I cried. I cried like someone had died. 

And I let him be there for me...

The Perks of being a Wallflower

I sat outside in my porch reading till the point I needed to use my kindle case light to see.... The Perks of Being a Wallflower is going sooooooo good! I keep re-reading passages in awe. What disturbs me a little, is that... I'm really relating to the protagonist... in ways that I probably shouldn't. It's messing with my mind... The things he says, the way he thinks... It's as though I'm suddenly becoming aware that my thoughts maybe aren't that unusual... But then again, Charlie is supposedly a very odd character... and now 45% into the book, I'm realizing that he's maybe as unwell as I am.... (hmm) There are so many passages and paragraphs that I want to quote but I won't... not as yet. Maybe when I finish the book. I see they're making it into a Movie in 2012... I can't wait to see it! It's a YA novel... I can't imagine reading this when I was younger. The timing right NOW... is perfect

The Verve Pipe - The Freshmen (Boyce Avenue acoustic cover)

My most favorite song of all time! (loved it since it came out in 1997) ... here is a cover version which amazingly enough, I'm absolutely in love with as well:



♩ ♪ ♫


When I was young I knew everything
She, a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm gilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice now

I can't be held responsible
Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me
I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me
I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
His girl took a weeks' worth of Valium and slept
Now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says

I can't be held responsible
Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me
I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me
I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

We've tried to wash our hands of all this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say

I can't be held responsible
Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me
I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me
I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen


♩ ♪ ♫


To download the Original Song, click here: The Verve Pipe - The Freshmen MP3

The Calm

"They made us participate in their own madness, because we couldn't help but retrace their steps, rethink their thoughts, and see that none of them led to us. We couldn't imagine the emptiness of a creature who put a razor to her wrists and opened her veins, the emptiness and the calm" - The Virgin Suicides

The whosh of blood in my head is so loud. If my contained behaviour is so disturbing then imagin what you will think if you saw me now. I want all this to end. I don't want anymore. I can't handle it and I can't handle you! :'( ... I just want out, please. Please...

Dear Universe

What..de..Yam! I don't get it! Universe... what are u doing?? Twists & turns so many, I can't keep up. Why must you be so awesomely confusing? :-/ I am barely allowed to recognize a change or grasp it's meaning before another one stems out of it. It's as though all developments spiral onto each other at the same time and feed off each other and build on each other at the same time.

Not a moment passes from a specific, stated desire before you throw the most ironic string of events my way.

You must think I can handle this all... I pray you're not mistaken. But are you ever really?

Writing is a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public  - Paulo Coelho

THIS is all in living

I was lying on bed feeling overwhelmed: scared, anxious, skeptical, worried & spiraling down into a range of negative emotions about doing something - from scratch - dropping everything I did before & following my dream. Going somewhere that has sooooooooooooo many bitter sweet memories and essentially taking the hardest route possible in my range of choices. A true challenge to myself. Then out of no where... these words came to me with such force & with so much emotion behind it that I just HAD to write it down. I pulled out my iTouch and at that 4am hour, this is what I wrote:

This is part of my life!! It's not something that I'm just trying to finish, it's something I am going to experience! To actually live each step 1 at a time. I am where I am supposed to be. Each moment is in itself a destination. I don't have to worry or fear that i don't have it all figured out. I don't have to be afraid. I just need to go and live! Why feel bad? Why rush? Life does not start when you [omitted text]. Life begins NOW. Life always has been and I can't keep waiting in fear. This is my experience. It is my life. It is my now. One step at a time. Everything is as it should be. You'll be great!! :)

Sent from my iPod


I never want to forget this. It was as if God was speaking to me. Or out of no where, with no stimulation what so ever, I tapped into some sort of deep seated knowledge sleeping inside of me...or a spark of the universal truth just burst into my brain. I cannot describe it. But I want to keep remembering this.