Dilated

Oh Jesus
In my entire life, I've never seen my pupils this dilated
I actually, shocked myself! I stood over the sink last night, brushing my teeth and I watched myself in the mirror... & like something out of the movies, I did a double take! like 'wait, what?!' ...... I stared into my own eyes and thought 'what the hell!' ............. 'I must be imagining things'
Later that night, I lay down next to mom on bed and was watching her eyes and I suddenly had an idea!
'WAIT' I said
I ran into another room, scrambling around looking for a little mirror.
I got one and came back next to her..... we faced the exact same light and I watched her eyes..... then watched mine....


HUGE DARK HOLES INTO MY SOUL!!!


My eyes were super dilated!!!
Now tonight, I've actually been told that I look 'drunk' or 'high' or 'on something' ...
You should see my EYES!!!

This is a pretty accurate example

Ephedrine

omg I'm so strung out right now... totally wired. All these letters are blurry hahaha... wow, no amt of blinking brings them into focus

Day 2 - I need Mittens

It's now Monday morning... I'm gonna give all I have to make this entry coherent.

I tried calling it a night by 2am. I recall being so drugged and so tired and so sleepy... but all I could do was toss and turn and roll from side to side (a blessing that is I must add) ... and mostly, all I could do was scratch!

5:00am... mom wakes me up asking if I need her to rub some calamine lotion on me. Guess all my scratching alerted her.

5:20am... I check myself. oh... em... gee... hives have spread. My entire back and legs :( ... I cannot begin to describe the torture of that kinda itching... especially when you cannot reach to scratch. Something odd to note, I am getting hives breaking out on the same spot more or less, on either side of my body... like a mirror image... mimic game... According to a friend 'your allergies have OCD'

And no sleep... I feel spazed, spaced, zoned & wired all at the same time.

My bro took a picture of me and had quite a laugh. I look like Fever Ray from her 'When I Grow Up' video. Calmine lotion all over my head and face and neck... etc etc etc. His words were "You look like you're gonna make a music video... or shave" haha

It's 8:00am... I am lying on bed trying to ignore the itching. Hoping the meds work soon and that I can possibly get a nap. I find myself shaking like a junkie in withdrawal, eyes wide open and vision distorted... I really need sleep... and relief... and you

Kill the flare, numb the symptoms

A very rare glimps into an actual real time convo about something not abstract for once:

I just paged my doctor

  it felt kinda weird dictating and having someone else type my msg

2:09 PM like... tables turn lol

  "Please call (insert name) at (insert number) Re: Urgent Post-op advice needed"

  that was my msg

2:10 PM If I can predict him he wud say 1. Up my dose of metho from 4 to 5 a week and/or 2. A short course of steroids to reduce the inflammation

  both I would protest to. I wud acquiesce to #1 ... and fight down #2 as much as possible

2:11 PM Steroids WOULD kill these flare symptoms instantly... and I wud feel on top of the world

  but the side effects... :( I made a promise years ago dat I wud NEVER EVER go back on it

2:12 PM I already had countless hydrocorticosteroid shots in d hospital.. but dat was to make sure I survive d surgery. daz life or death...

Why so urgent? Why so worried? - tramadol, acetaminophen and codeine in my system, bed-rest and 4 hrs later... I can now finally go into the kitchen and comfortably reach my cup to my mouth and swallow...

THAT my friends, is not good... not good at all. That's too much pain, too much time and way too much drugs :(