Andres: Swami didn't make it
Me: What?
This was how the conversation began. My 1st thought was that someone didn't make it to the satsangh that he just went to. Darn. I didn't make it either... I was home sicky. But then, that would be quite a horrible typo to make though... mixing up *insert person's name* with 'Swami'
But it wasn't a mistake. Swami didn't make it. Sathya Sai Baba has left his physical form.
I have been incredibly reserved about my experiences in the Ashram. It was all intensely personal and definitely not something that's easily said or understood by others. I could never say this to others... everyone was estatic on my behalf! It was a personal and somewhat bitter argument between Swami and I. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to go. I didn't need to see him physical. I never wanted to. But no one see's Bhagawan w/o him wanting it to happen.... even if I didn't. Now I know why...
I keep thinking 'Swami... you knew! You've known all along! You called me to see you despite all my protest and reservations... you made SURE of it... because you knew" ..... No one else knew. No one knew that just the day after I landed back in Trinidad, that he would end up in the hospital.
I am tempted to be sorry. But I cannot be. I am happy, sad and immensely grateful. I've never been attached to his physical form, never wanted to be. Never cared to. It was all about love and a way of life. Swami allowed me his darshan and graced me with intense stares... blanking my mind! & it was then I re-affirmed my belief that 'I don't need to see you again... I am happy with just this once'
Once... was my Karma. Thank you Swami!
Me: What?
This was how the conversation began. My 1st thought was that someone didn't make it to the satsangh that he just went to. Darn. I didn't make it either... I was home sicky. But then, that would be quite a horrible typo to make though... mixing up *insert person's name* with 'Swami'
But it wasn't a mistake. Swami didn't make it. Sathya Sai Baba has left his physical form.
I have been incredibly reserved about my experiences in the Ashram. It was all intensely personal and definitely not something that's easily said or understood by others. I could never say this to others... everyone was estatic on my behalf! It was a personal and somewhat bitter argument between Swami and I. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to go. I didn't need to see him physical. I never wanted to. But no one see's Bhagawan w/o him wanting it to happen.... even if I didn't. Now I know why...
I keep thinking 'Swami... you knew! You've known all along! You called me to see you despite all my protest and reservations... you made SURE of it... because you knew" ..... No one else knew. No one knew that just the day after I landed back in Trinidad, that he would end up in the hospital.
I am tempted to be sorry. But I cannot be. I am happy, sad and immensely grateful. I've never been attached to his physical form, never wanted to be. Never cared to. It was all about love and a way of life. Swami allowed me his darshan and graced me with intense stares... blanking my mind! & it was then I re-affirmed my belief that 'I don't need to see you again... I am happy with just this once'
Once... was my Karma. Thank you Swami!
No comments:
Post a Comment