Ball and chain

I hate having to give in to all your ignorance and fears and f____d up illogical 'excuses'.
I hate having to listen to your unbelievably stupid, unfair and uncalled for rants about the past, accusations thrown all over and grudges thrown in my face.
I hate that I believe you over and over and over and over, month after month, year after year... that you actually listen and understand and changed.
I hate that I try so hard and like the fool I am, I keep on trying.
I hate that you know you mean so much and you know you ultimately ctrl everything yet you choose to break me down so much... You really break me down!
I hate that I cannot explode because it will be murder suicide. I rather just implode and die alone.
I rather just die ... each time, I rather just die
But I don't