1 week ago I was sitting in a 3 hour long lecture, busy taking notes and I don't know what happened but I suddenly started to panic, I was looking around wildly trying to register where I was and what I was doing because in that moment, the thought hit me that Mom was dead. I couldn't tell if that was real or this was real. I kept watching around wondering if I was real and everyone around me was real. That's when the tears started. One week later, I still cannot stop crying. I just woke up crying. I went to sleep crying. I spent my entire of last night sporadically crying. I want to hurt myself to know if I'm real.