I sink into myself

I can't think. I can't make decisions. The mere idea of making plans and decisions and any sort of activity that requires mental and physical energy is overwhelming me. I had to send out an email inviting people to an upcoming event and it took everything out of me to gather myself and my thoughts and TRY, really try to type the email up with some sort of coherence far less vitality.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to do anything. I feel unbelievably listless. A friend was simply asking me some questions regarding my mom and plans for this weekend and fathers day and what time I'm going to wake up tomorrow and I SWEAR to God, I started feeling a kind of ZAP in my brain!!! An actual physical neurological zap feeling in my head, like a flash of light that HURT... and I got so overwhelmed I just started to cry. I started to F****** CRY because I had to THINK to answer questions??? What the hell is wrong with me?

I need to start back school. I'm even dreaming about it. I'm dreaming myself in new apartments renting outside UWI. I'm reading about options and worrying myself sick with trying to figure out what to do, what I want... but then there comes a point where I just fall OFF. I go go go... develop in my thoughts and yearning... and as soon as it reaches where I need to actually do something, it stops. I can't. I can't function. I just sink back into myself.

I can't make plans. I can't organize anything. I have a meeting coming up and I must go. We're meeting to make plans and organize things. What am I going to do? *sighs*

I'm scared... I keep crying. Everything is so difficult. Getting dressed makes me tired. The idea of getting dressed makes me tired. I don't want to do anything. & that scares me...