My maid has been in and around a lot these days - cleaning this perpetually cluttered house.
While packing back the space-saver, with the use of our mini ladder, she said
"see, it's not a good thing when you're so short"
I wondered if short people fell down easier than tall people.
I wondered if tall people fell down easier than short people.
I wondered if it hurt them as much if they fell, as a tall person will hurt.
I wondered if having less body mass means less areas to hurt if they did fall.
I wondered when little kids fell flat on their bottom while trying to roller-skate, if it hurt less than adults because they had a shorter distance to fall.
Then I shook myself out of that thought provoking trance and thought once again
'You really think too much when you're bored gurl"
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Sunday, November 20, 2005
The play on pain
My tummy is growling. Its exactly midday, and my food will be on its way soon. yay. The human body is an amazing thing, and in saying so, I cannot ignore the body-mind connection. My stomach is empty, my belly growls, and I know I'm hungry. Imagine a world were you had no idea when your body needed nourishment again. There's no sensation to tell you that you are hungry and must eat. Maybe in the eyes of an anorexic, this is already their reality, but think about it.
I remembered reading in one of my first Biology books that a person feels pain as a result of the body trying to tell us that something is wrong. Later on in life, I heard of a disease called Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis (CIPA)- which in short means the person cannot feel pain. There are only about 100 persons in the world who suffer from CIPA - an ultra rare disease, which deprives an individual of such an important natural protection as pain. Therefore, it is known that those people, who do not feel any pain at all, usually die before they turn 25. That’s a really scary thought.
So I checked the dictionary for the meaning of that all too common word: Pain - 'An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder.' I know I know pain. My body sensitivity is higher than average yet I can handle serious pain. Maybe its because I grew up actually liking experimenting with the various types and degrees of pain...experiencing each sensation and testing my self control. Some may find that odd or disturbing...but the villain in Dean Koont'z 'Intensity' sure didn't. Then again, you've got to read the book to understand.
Now, in the midst of all pain that I'm experiencing, I've passed that thin line between pleasure and pain and felt myself falling into that abyss of pure bliss. Its a moment when pain is so intense, so sharp, and so sudden that just for a few seconds - you feel nothing. The world gets dim...like the process of a light bulb being switched off, in slow motion...and then it gets blurry, like tears screening your sight. And just for that moment, your head goes light and your body just 'is'. As I engulf myself in the darkness, I can't help but smile. Its a beautiful experience. (aka, black out)
Then in other moments of desperation, my mind wanders back to High school Biology and my rationalization turns dangerously black and white: The body creates pain when its trying to tell me that something's wrong (check) I feel the pain so I know that something's wrong (check)... why then, now that I know, doesn't the pain go away? - If only things were so easy.
I remembered reading in one of my first Biology books that a person feels pain as a result of the body trying to tell us that something is wrong. Later on in life, I heard of a disease called Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis (CIPA)- which in short means the person cannot feel pain. There are only about 100 persons in the world who suffer from CIPA - an ultra rare disease, which deprives an individual of such an important natural protection as pain. Therefore, it is known that those people, who do not feel any pain at all, usually die before they turn 25. That’s a really scary thought.
So I checked the dictionary for the meaning of that all too common word: Pain - 'An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder.' I know I know pain. My body sensitivity is higher than average yet I can handle serious pain. Maybe its because I grew up actually liking experimenting with the various types and degrees of pain...experiencing each sensation and testing my self control. Some may find that odd or disturbing...but the villain in Dean Koont'z 'Intensity' sure didn't. Then again, you've got to read the book to understand.
Now, in the midst of all pain that I'm experiencing, I've passed that thin line between pleasure and pain and felt myself falling into that abyss of pure bliss. Its a moment when pain is so intense, so sharp, and so sudden that just for a few seconds - you feel nothing. The world gets dim...like the process of a light bulb being switched off, in slow motion...and then it gets blurry, like tears screening your sight. And just for that moment, your head goes light and your body just 'is'. As I engulf myself in the darkness, I can't help but smile. Its a beautiful experience. (aka, black out)
Then in other moments of desperation, my mind wanders back to High school Biology and my rationalization turns dangerously black and white: The body creates pain when its trying to tell me that something's wrong (check) I feel the pain so I know that something's wrong (check)... why then, now that I know, doesn't the pain go away? - If only things were so easy.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
In knowing...
I reflect upon the first part of this entry and thus continue:
It doesn't go away. The things I actively try to supress just proves to me that I'm defeating the purpose. If you try to make something go away, if you try to keep it quiet and hope it amounts to nothing...it is then that you know that it's real. In knowing this, for once, the cloud of confusing and dissonance vanishes and I feel okie. In telling others of this reality, in confessing - it doesn't always mean we need help or advice, approval or dissaproval... we just need acceptance. Not for someone to accept your decisions or feelings as being right, but for that person to accept you, and walk with you in peace, even if they disagree.
But most importantly, I need to be at peace, no matter if its wrong or right...I will give myself the option to choose, and it's in knowing I have a choice, that I smile once again.
Hearing from others will make it suddenly real... but you don't wanna make it real... It's still in your head. Such convenient denial... convenient silence...Maybe it'll all go away... flow into time... become nothing...We know, don't we? The difference between right and wrong...
It doesn't go away. The things I actively try to supress just proves to me that I'm defeating the purpose. If you try to make something go away, if you try to keep it quiet and hope it amounts to nothing...it is then that you know that it's real. In knowing this, for once, the cloud of confusing and dissonance vanishes and I feel okie. In telling others of this reality, in confessing - it doesn't always mean we need help or advice, approval or dissaproval... we just need acceptance. Not for someone to accept your decisions or feelings as being right, but for that person to accept you, and walk with you in peace, even if they disagree.
But most importantly, I need to be at peace, no matter if its wrong or right...I will give myself the option to choose, and it's in knowing I have a choice, that I smile once again.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Happy Divali
Divali Greetings to everyone!
I haven't blogged in awhile, and considering all the other options of recent experiences, I'm really glad I can re-enter this blogger's life on a Bright note... The festival of lights!!!
God Bless :)
This lovely picture is curtesy mayarobeach.com
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